KEY POINTS:
Day two, Trent Bridge
The prelude
Well, the famous Trent Bridge swing never became a factor with the straight up-and-down Iain O'Brien the most effective bowler on day one. Kyle Mills blamed the balls saying the Dukes had to be changed an inordinate amount of times because they went out of shape. He didn't go on to say "they are a piece of crap" but you can tell it's what he was thinking. How hard can it be to wrap a few bits of leather around some cork and stitch it all together with some string? Actually it's not that easy; I once tried to make a cricket ball by shaping some plasticine into a sphere, inscribing a seam into it with a pocket-knife, then freezing the 'ball'. The experiment was a failure - it didn't bounce and broke apart after about four balls of quickish medium pace.
The morning
This has McGrath and Gillespie at the Gabba written all over it. Stuart Broad and James Anderson are making things look very easy, though Brendon McCullum discovered catching is a bit harder without those big floppy things at the end of his arms. But wait ... drama. A paint canister has exploded in the maintenance shed and a man has been taken to hospital with a blue hand.
Aaron Redmond now puts one down in the gully. Unfortunately New Zealand's best gully fieldsman, Jacob Oram, was bowling while the next best, Jamie How, has a broken finger so is roaming the outfield.
Anderson is finally dismissed, Oram getting him to nibble outside off stump.
Lunch at 341-8. England's morning, no question.
The afternoon
Broad gets his 50 but Tommy Martin is bowling much better and eventually gets him. Poor old Monty Panesar gets a real No 11 decision sparking debate in the press box as to whether he was caught in close or lbw. He was officially caught despite the bat having played no part in proceedings.
No bat involved with Aaron Redmond's dismissal either, his off stump cartwheeling with just one next to his name. Son of Rodney has shown enough in the first-class matches to suggest he has some ability but a test average of 10 compares unfavourably with his predecessor, Matthew Bell.
Incidentally, the weather is looking evil out to the east, can't see this day getting much past tea.
McCullum won't have to worry about that. Action replay of Redmond's dismissal. Trouble.
Ross Taylor and Jamie How gets things slightly back on track but not without some hairy moments.
57-2 at tea. Probably England's afternoon, just.
The evening
Taylor out, Daniel Flynn out, How out. All to Anderson. 62-2 becomes 77-5.
This bodgied up batting line-up is looking utterly clueless. Questions need to be asked, so let's ask them. Why was Flynn preferred to Fulton when he was badly shaken up at Old Trafford and failed twice on his return against a poor Northants' attack? He hasn't spent any time at the crease since lord's, along time ago now. Is the most dangerous counter-attacking batsman in world cricket, Brendon McCullum, really best suited to see off the new ball at No 3?
On paper this is the weakest top six New Zealand has produced in my lifetime with just two test centuries between them against nations other than Zimbabwe and Bangladesh (Taylor's two centuries against England).
Oram adds little to New Zealand's GDP and, at 5.10pm play is mercifully called off due to bad light. All in all a pitiful six hours at the office for New Zealand.
96-6 at close of play. England 364 all out.
