KEY POINTS:
First off, an apology. It was suggested in this column not a week previously that John Bracewell's selection policy - "Operation Screwloose" - was merely a front intended to dupe unsuspecting opponents into thinking he was bonkers.
At the time, the theory seemed to have merit, in that it was hard to believe someone would employ a rotation policy when it was clear they were struggling to find 11 front-line players, let alone adequate substitutes.
But exhaustive Herald investigations, culminating in Saturday night's stand-up comedy at Eden Park, have revealed that Bracewell is not to blame for the charade, and that the driving motivation is, as usual, money.
You didn't hear it from me, but the word is that New Zealand Cricket stands to make millions in additional television broadcasting rights should the national cricket team continue to deliver such riveting slapstick entertainment.
Unofficial television sources believe the appropriately dubbed Black Caps captured close to 80 per cent of the national television audience during Saturday's second innings, as viewers in their droves abandoned shows such as The Simpsons and Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.
This is expected to translate - if you believe the smoke signals - into next year's TV rights package being contested by, not only Sky Television, but also the Nickelodeon Channel, the Comedy Network and the Disney Channel.
Stories abound about the impression made on viewers on Saturday evening, when a ham-fisted rabble cleverly disguised as a New Zealand cricket team collapsed so quickly there was no time to put the kettle on.
Possibly the biggest question was why they even bothered bringing out their bats, given that they spent most of the night trying to kick everything in sight and trying the patience of umpires Steve Davis and Gary Baxter.
My wife, who was channel surfing at the time, thought she'd seen an action replay of the same dismissal on five occasions, only to discover belatedly that the Black Hacks were reeling at 39 for six.
Then there was the gentleman in Ponsonby who was hoping to catch the second innings but was kept waiting for 30 minutes by his taxi company and missed the fall of the first five New Zealand wickets.
It's also been reported that the Australian newspaperman who on Saturday lampooned the England team by claiming Ockers didn't have long to wait, that a real opponent was arriving soon, is busily writing his retraction.
Indeed, the ways things have been heading, the upcoming tri-series in Australia could yet become a contest between New Zealand and England to see who can make a bigger laughing stock of themselves, rather than a race for the silverware.
At this stage it would be hard to know who to back. The English got away to a good start with Steve Harmison's first delivery of the Ashes series and showed great consistency to maintain their level of ineptitude until they'd lost all five tests. New Zealand, on the other hand, made a bright start against Sri Lanka before stepping on their virtual banana skin, losing all composure in the second test at Wellington and then blundering through the first four ODIs.
The only hope is the thought that there must be a cunning plan behind all this; that if Bracewell and his advisers aren't trying to lull their opponents into a false sense of security, then it must surely be about money or television rights. The alternative, that the New Zealand batsmen were really trying their best on Saturday night, is simply too awful to contemplate.
