Chris Rattue: Weirdness the winner in T20

New Zealand bowler Tim Southee celebrates his hat-trick against Pakistan. Photo / Brett Phibbs.

Here's a Christmas cracker of a joke but no punchline is necessary.

How do you tell a good T20 cricket game from a bad one?

In other words, was the dubious whirl of action from Eden Park yesterday good, bad or ugly? I haven't got a clue - don't know, don't care.

The TV commentators, all former international cricketers and mainly discerning fellows, sounded enthralled by the action as New Zealand strolled past Pakistan.

Do Ian Smith and co really like this cricket, or feel compelled to be enthusiastic? Maybe they really do like T20. Maybe they like any cricket. Each to their own.

The clusters of spectators were vibrant at times and presumably had an excellent half-day out at rebuilt Eden Park.

To these eyes T20 still looks like a lot of bad shots against mainly average bowling, a game perfect for primary school kids because they already have the batting strokes. In the good old days, a lot of what you see in T20 was known as slogging. Scott Styris got out to a shot that looked more like tossing the hammer than a pull stroke.

Old values have to be re-evaluated.

Tim Southee nailed a hat-trick, but T20 is so unconventional that hat-tricks shouldn't count like they do in proper cricket. Maybe someone will get six in a row. That will be fun.

Pakistan are depleted and whatever they do it's never going to be a totally good look when some of your mates are parked at home, awaiting an ICC spot-fixing enquiry.

This latest betting scandal crisis to hit cricket relates to allegations of pre-determined no balling during a test match, a form of the game where cricket fans generally know what is normal and what might be regarded as highly unusual.

Yet everything in T20 looks weird. A T20 game could have more spots than 101 Dalmatians and most of us would be none the wiser. Weird, weird, weird.

If there was an avenue for the public to challenge decisions, my first one would be an appeal against the Black Caps uniform.

Beige is a colour best left for the undersoles of shoes. Under normal circumstances ... there are no normal circumstances in which beige is appropriate. When combined with black and grey and a fleck of bright green, beige becomes unbearable.

At the risk of using up all my challenges, the second would also be against the Black Caps uniform. This is what appears to have happened. The designers were ordered to put beige in the uniform and tried to hide it under the players' armpits but a lot leaked out.

The highlight: watching the great Shoaib Akhtar in action again. He still looks quick enough, and certainly was in his prime before cricket turned strange.

Back to the Ashes.