Chris Rattue: The bright side of the tour from hell

If anyone beyond the proverbial bloke and his dog turns up to watch another dog, namely the Slack Caps playing the Match Tamperers, I'll eat my hat.

Then again, this could lead to a spot of trilby tasting due to the T20 revolution.

Pakistan arrive next week, and begin their tour with the first of three T20 games at Eden Park on Boxing Day.

This is the tour that deserves to fail.

Three Pakistan players, including former captain Salman Butt, are suspended and face an ICC hearing alleging they were part of a betting scam that involved spot fixing via deliberate no-balls in a test against England at Lords.

At Lords ... have they no respect?

Cricket's image isn't helped when Butt's lawyer claims that scams are rife in the game, and police discover Butt's hotel room is awash in the sort of cash you'd expect to find in a mafia hangout.

Whether anybody likes it or not, this leaves the whole of Pakistan cricket smelling fishier than a salmon in a sauna.

The Black Caps might be clean, but they don't have much else going for them right now. They aren't just a bad New Zealand team by world standards, they are a bad New Zealand team by New Zealand standards. The irony is that Daniel Vettori's mob are showing more pluck in test matches just as test match cricket is going down the gurgler.

The corruption backdrop to this tour is more bad news for poor old New Zealand Cricket, who are in charge of a mess.

Joe and Jane Public don't make much of a distinction between match fixing and match fiddling, and nor should they. A fix is a fix, big or small.

Already there are snide jokes around that even match chuckers would have trouble losing to this New Zealand team. If New Zealand do manage a few wins, they'll endure barbs the matches weren't on the level anyway. In other words, they can't win. On the credibility front, the Pakistani tour is already shot to pieces.

And yet, the suspicion is that while the test matches will probably flop as they inevitably do in New Zealand, and the one day format is tired and vulnerable, decent crowds might still turn up for those T20 ditties in Auckland, Hamilton and Christchurch.

A bit of hit and giggle is all the rage. A barrage of sixes and fours will be enough to sweep the bad stuff away. A couple of flashy shots from our beleaguered batsmen, and all will be forgiven.

The sad but true prospect is that meaningless T20 could be the salvation of cricket in this country, drawing new players and fans who never had time for other forms of the game.

We cricketing dinosaurs, who revel in the Ashes, are having to run up the white flag, before we eventually run away.

If a T20 revolution is the only way for cricket to survive, you can't argue against its promotion.

Let's try really, really hard to find a bright side. This should be the tour from hell, but a decent Twenty/20 turnout would at least give New Zealand Cricket a glimmer of hope.

*Is the Wayne Rooney who held Manchester United to ransom for a staggering pay rise the same Rooney who blasted a penalty over the bar against Arsenal yesterday. Unforgivable might be a strong term for a failed sporting act, but there are penalty misses and penalty misses. Elite footballers should get their spot kicks between the sticks and under the bar every time.