The wrangle over New Zealand's tour of Zimbabwe has served only to confirm my worst fears about the international cricket scene.
From a player's point of view, the stark facts of the global game are that you are required to play in some of the most dodgy parts of the planet and, by definition, also obliged to turn a blind eye to all the injustice around you.
It was one of the reasons I decided to quit the game I loved in 2002; the realisation that I'd have to continue to play cricket in places ruled by dictators and despots, where the vast majority of the population were destitute, and where corruption abounded at all levels.
In the end I just got sick of it; I couldn't face it any more. The motivation to steel myself for another dose of touring India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, not to mention South Africa and parts of the West Indies, had run critically low, and I knew it was time to pull the plug.
What's happening now in Zimbabwe has only reinforced those feelings, to the extent that even if I was still playing, I'm sure I'd be making myself unavailable for the present tour on the basis of both moral and safety concerns.
The safety issue is pertinent in terms of touring contracts, as it allows a team to legally back out of a scheduled trip without penalty as long as it can be reasonably held that such a tour would be dangerous.
In the past, safety concerns have usually been restricted to assessing threats such as acts of terrorism or violence, but for my money the Zimbabwe situation leaves the team vulnerable in a new and possibly unforeseen area.
Zimbabwe is breaking down as a nation. Inflation is expected to reach 400 per cent by December, millions are out of work, homeless and starving. Petrol (when you can get it) costs Z$10,000 a litre (83c), and the entire economy is crippled.
It isn't the guys with the guns and bombs we have to worry about it, it's the complete disintegration of Zimbabwe's infrastructure and the subsequent lack of quality control and standards.
Sure, the team bus won't be blown up, but it could as easily lose its front wheel and career off the road. Don't worry about the hotel being targeted, but what about the latest compliance licence for the elevator? Do you really want to go on a helicopter ride around Victoria Falls?
The other part of the issue that took me by surprise was the degree of confusion surrounding our country's politicians, who seemed to have a very tenuous understanding of their subject matter.
First there was Phil Goff, treating the ICC like a colonial white man's club, then Rob Donald prattling on about force majeur; Jim Anderton coming in with a suggestion from outer space, and then the token show of hands in Parliament.
It really showed the politicians up for what they were. Remember, the Government could have legislated to veto the tour, allowing the team to escape from their contractual obligations without penalty. It wouldn't have worried the ICC a jot; Pakistan and India do it all the time.
But to instead call on NZC to withdraw illegally from the tour, knowing full well that such a move would effectively bankrupt the game here and lead to the Black Caps being ostracised on the international scene was pretty gutless, I thought.
I can understand the players' point of view. If they were to start picking and choosing their opponents on moral or political grounds, they would be effectively destroying their chance to make a living out of playing cricket.
That's the dilemma facing the Black Caps and it's the reason I decided to chuck it in.
<EM>Adam Parore</EM>: Corruption means it's not cricket
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