KEY POINTS:
Day 3, Trent Bridge
The prelude
Most of the speculation overnight was whether James Anderson could emulate Jim Laker and Anil Kumble and take 10 wickets in a test innings. But he won't be doing much for a while because Trent Bridge is looking only slightly less gloomy than the images that came through from Wellington this morning.
The delay has given us the opportunity to indulge in that great wet-weather pastime - gambling. The Epsom Derby is running this arvo and there's a tenner on King of Rome at 12-1. Must remember to not try to claim it as a legitimate work expense.
An early lunch is called for and why not, we've all earned one.
Play will start at 1.40pm BST, which will make it tricky to see Wales v South Africa featuring New Zealand's second-best coach (well, it is Pick On Henry week, isn't it?).
The afternoon
I was about to write "can't overstate the importance of this partnership..." when Daniel Vettori plays an awful flick off Ryan Sidebottom and destroys all the 10-wickets-for-Anderson angles that the UK Sunday papers were salivating over.
Ryan Sidebottom's celebration is a little too enthusiastic considering he's ruined his mate's dream, although the pogo jump was a nice variation. Sidebottom clearly requires some Ritalin as he stares down Gareth Hopkins.
I'm pretty sure Hopkins would beat Sidebottom in a fight, which leads to the burning issue of who would win a last-man-standing fight among the New Zealand team. You can rule out the soccer players, including big Jake Oram, on the grounds that on first contact they would fall to the floor and writhe in agony. My money would be on Brendon McCullum closely followed by Hopkins. Interestingly, somebody a lot closer to the squad than me has thrown in Daniel Flynn as a potential winner.
They'll have to show a bit more fight here, Mills has sliced one to gully off Stuart Broad and Iain O'Brien, a No 11 batting at 10, has his off pole knocked out second ball. Hopkins is leg before next ball, another one trying to hit Anderson to leg, so the last three wickets fall on 123.
That was gruesome.
Michael Vaughan has invited New Zealand to follow on. Unfortunately it is not the kind of invitation that can be turned down. Aaron Redmond wishes he could have, though. He finishes a miserable test series with just 54 runs in six innings. Most primary school children can work out that average.
How goes to, after a running battle with the certifiably angry Sidebottom.
Even worse, Kor finishes second last in the Derby, a miserable run. Michael Mason (remember him?) won 60 quid on New Approach and has squirreled the money away to his offshore Kapiti Island bank account.
The whole of Trent Bridge now officially smells of stale beer.
NZ 45-2 at tea.
The evening
NZ are faced with an awkward dilemma. McCullum and Taylor are naturally aggressive but probably feel that they need to at least look as if they are digging in.
Play your natural game boys. Or maybe not. Taylor is gone, leg before, walking a long way across his stumps.
McCullum is playing with unbelievable restraint; Flynn is getting stuck in too. This is quality stuff. Sidebottom gives McCullum bit of a working over but it is dark and there's a serious case for batting with miners' headlamps.
You wouldn't Adam and Eve it; it's brightened up again but still tricky. Flynn tries to pull Broad and gets an earful from the bowler. It must be hard to take sledging seriously from someone with a haircut like Broad's. It'd be like Metallica getting sledged by Westlife.
McCullum to 50 with a flurry of boundaries off Sidebottom. Top knock that. 103 balls - he'd normally be pushing 100 after facing that many but needs must.
The first innings destroyer, Anderson, is back with 13 overs to go and it's not long before he gets McCullum for an excellent 71. He leaves to a standing O from the members who clearly know their stuff.
It's approaching 7pm when debutant Hopkins wanders out.
Big shout against Flynn off Panesar when he's on 49. Young fella looks anxious. Sure as eggs, he nicks Sidebottom next over with an extravagant cut shot. Good knock, but he'll be mortified.
Oram is out there at 7.20pm, facing his nemesis and it's dark again.
Stumps. NZ 177-5 (Hopkins 7, Oram 8). Some real resolve out there in difficult conditions but they are still 64 runs shy of making England bat again.
Some very drunk punters stumble out of Trent Bridge.
