Expect mothers to start locking away their young sons this morning as the New Zealand cricket selectors gather to name their side for the first test against Australia.
Devastated by injury, stress and incompetence, New Zealand's elite ranks have been stretched past breaking this summer, to the extent that anyone of eligible age and gender is in danger of being called up.
At last count, the number of defections for the first test was looking like something out of Exodus, leaving coach John Bracewell and his fellow selectors to comb the country in search of solutions.
As New Zealand captain Stephen Fleming dryly noted this week, "Anyone in white clothing is in the frame at the moment," fuelling a suggestion that Bracewell might do away with the invitational approach in favour of conscription.
The mind boggles at the thought of a dozen frightened young men being herded into Jade Stadium to begin preparations for the opening test against Australia. Bracewell's main concerns are over the injured Jacob Oram, Scott Styris and Daniel Vettori, the shell-shocked Michael Papps and Daryl Tuffey, and the out-of-form Mathew Sinclair - although he'd also like to have Shane Bond at his disposal.
The yawning gaps seems likely to mean a recall for Craig McMillan at the very least, but possibly also Hamish Marshall and Lou Vincent, not to mention the prospect of a test debut for Otago opening batsman Craig Cumming. Without Mark Richardson, the opening berths are favoured to be filled by Stephen Fleming, and either Cumming, Papps or Sinclair, none of whom will cause any sleep problems for the Australians' attack.
But given Bracewell reckoned the Australians had psyched Sinclair out in the one-dayers, and Brett Lee had effectively knocked Papps out, you could be excused for thinking that he might be inclined to stick with Cumming for Christchurch.
Elsewhere, the test side looks no more settled, since Oram can only be picked as a batsman and Styris remains in doubt, as well as Daniel Vettori and Nathan Astle.
Bracewell's biggest headache will undoubtedly be finding a competitive bowling attack, and especially after his bowlers were mauled in the first four one-dayers.
Chris Martin and James Franklin will be welcomed back with open arms, but a New Zealand team without the bowling option of Chris Cairns, Ian Butler, Andre Adams, Oram, Styris, Vettori and Daryl Tuffey doesn't bear thinking about.
Fleming more or less summed up the state of play at yesterday's after-match press conference, when he conceded the team was effectively trialling players against Australia to find out if they were capable at international level.
"The rank's pretty empty - there's not many cabs around," he said. "Anyone who shows a little talent is going to be thrown into a black uniform at the moment."
Cricket: Young men beware - the press gang's about
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