Bernadine Bezuidenhout is happy to simply be back with her teammates. Photo / photosport.nz
Bernadine Bezuidenhout is happy to simply be back with her teammates. Photo / photosport.nz
Bernadine Bezuidenhout spent two years in and out of hospital, struggling with insomnia and an eating disorder, while finding herself in “a really bad space”.
She wouldn’t change a thing.
The wicketkeeper was this week recalled to the White Ferns ahead of next month’s Twenty20 World Cup in her nativeSouth Africa, capping a journey both arduous and, eventually, rewarding.
Bezuidenhout returned to cricket this summer following a two-year break in which she battled Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport (RED-S), a syndrome that impairs the functioning of body systems.
This season was meant to be about merely getting back on the field and playing with her mates. But with those boxes ticked, and even with higher honours so soon following, cricket won’t again define the 29-year-old.
If there was one prevailing positive of her time away, it was the chance to assess exactly what life without sport entailed.
“As an athlete, identity is always tied up in what we do,” said Bezuidenhout. “It was quite a shock for me, because if I’m not playing cricket then who am I as a person?
“It took me down this journey of, shucks, who are you? If you’re not a cricketer, then who are you? My faith is really important to me, so it gave me a lot of time to reflect on my purpose.”
The last time Bernadine Bezuidenhout posed for White Ferns media was in 2020. Photo / Photosport
The answer to those heady questions arrived in her work with young people, starting foundations in Christchurch and South Africa aimed at offering opportunities for youth to engage in sport.
Bezuidenhout still runs the Epic Sports Project and the Epic Foundation, crediting that role with helping her return to health and cricket.
“Working with youth and giving back, I’ve definitely found myself,” she said. “Cricket is so much more enjoyable now. It’s been a challenging journey but one I wouldn’t change, because I found my purpose.”
Such a discovery must have felt distant during the worse of her health woes, when eating and sleeping took focus over batting and fielding.
“I wasn’t digesting food anymore because your body stops certain functions,” she said. “I was underweight, I had a really bad eating disorder, and I think many athletes go through that - you’re determined to be the fittest, the best at what you can control.
“I was in a really bad space - insomnia was my middle name.”
Bezuidenhout said the mental hurdles were especially challenging but she now assessed her wellbeing at 95 per cent and, crucially, knew how to spot the red flags that suggested something was amiss.
For that, she expressed particular gratitude to former Silver Ferns captain Lesley Nicol, a sport and exercise physician who steered her recovery from RED-S, while former New Zealand test opener Matthew Bell had provided invaluable assistance with her batting.
“A lot of work has gone in off the pitch into my recovery, but also on the pitch I’ve been working bloody hard to get back to where I am.”
It was the batting work that secured Bezuidenhout’s ticket on the plane to South Africa, where she intends to turn her baby nephew into a White Ferns mascot.
Coach Ben Sawyer wants his T20 wicketkeeper to primarily focus on batting, capable of playing an aggressive style, and Bezuidenhout has shown that ability this season with Northern Districts.
She described her recall as the pinnacle of her two-year journey back to health, and hoped it would show what was possible for others facing similar struggles.
“To be part of the White Ferns whānau again is very special,” she said. “I just wanted to enjoy playing with ND again and be out on the field with my mates, because taking time away from the game, you realise it’s not a given.”
