Either way, the indifference to a once widely anticipated event helps explain why we put these Games on the Gold Coast.
For those who've never visited the fun-filled playground paradise, this is a place we traditionally send itinerant bar staff, underperforming football franchises, sun-seeking geriatrics and Bernard Tomic. Our misfits and those surplus to requirement.
Accordingly, the response to the Games had been so underwhelming the organising committee recently announced a "special release" of tickets - code for "we desperately need more bums on seats".
And yet - surprise - a Games-eve miracle! From the depth of Australian indifference suddenly springs a passionate groundswell of support for the dear old Games.
As one, we are dusting off copies of Badminton for Dummies and putting photos of the Queen and the corgis back on the mantle. And not just because the opening ceremony in a region renowned for its bikini-clad meter maids and rhinestone-clad cabaret singers promises to be the most unintentionally amusing parade of camp and kitsch since Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
We have rediscovered our love of the Games because our disgraced sporting nation desperately needs a sugar hit of gold-medal mania to repair its shattered self-esteem.
We need a distraction from sobbing cricket stars and the realisation our players didn't carry sandpaper in their kits just to do a bit of French polishing in the lunch break.
So how will the Games fast-track Australia's sporting rehabilitation? Well, there is the traditional way we make ourselves feel better - Pommy bashing. It was once a routine occurrence at the Games.
Inconveniently, however, England has sunk so much lottery money into sport that not even bleak winters and a chips'n'gravy diet has prevented it becoming very good at many sports.
Australians most like it when our swimmers dominate the pool as they did in the days when the Australian Crawl was another name for freestyle, not a test cricketer dropping on his knees, seeking forgiveness.
Should Australia's swimmers fail to deliver the cathartic chest-beating triumphs needed to restore the national spirit then we will have to revert to another tried and true method: Kiwi kicking.
Fortunately, the absence of (proper) rugby and test cricket from the Commonwealth Games programme means there is some chance that this can be accomplished without major disappointment and embarrassment and possibly even sandpaper-free.
In this regard, it is no exaggeration to suggest the netball final between Australia and New Zealand (seriously, why even play the prelims?) is the most anticipated event on the Games.
Yes, because netball has become more popular in Australia due to the greater exposure of the national league. But the real reason we can't wait to beat the Silver Ferns is that the gold medal will be proof we can excel at a significant team sport without first making a trip to the hardware store.
And the fact that winning shouldn't solve Australia's current moral sporting dilemma when it was trying to win at all costs that got us in strife in the first place? We'll worry about that after the medal ceremony.
• Richard Hinds is a leading Australian sports writer.
