Cleaver's Games: March 20

It's always been my opinion that the best track and field sports were rooted in some sort of practical application.

For example, the high jump is an honourable sport because the benefits of being able to leap walls would have been handy when being chased by marauding barbarians.

Likewise the long jump, pole vault and hurdles. The throwing events can be traced back to hunting techniques and the ability to box well has obvious survival benefits.

Which brings me to race walking. Picture yourself in a jungle when out of the corner of your eye you spot a ravenous sabre-toothed tiger.

There's a sharp stick nearby so if you want to take the risk you can 'javelin' it.

There's a river due west so you could leap it.

At a pinch you might turn on the afterburners and try to out-sprint it.

But no, those competing in the race walk yesterday obviously had ancestors that would have turned on their heels and walked away really quickly, remembering to keep their front leg straight and having one foot in contact with the ground at all times.

It really is a bizarre sport, the equivalent of a track cycling event where you must have your front brakes locked on at all times.

Of course, some perfectly normal sports - like trying to cave somebody's head in - can look equally ridiculous if performed badly.

A case in point being Soulan Pownceby's latest attempt at the sweet science.

Most sports have qualification processes whereby you must first learn the sport and then try to qualify.

Boxing New Zealand clearly runs a different system where you first qualify and then try to learn the sport in the ring.

It wasn't just cynics in the media who were unimpressed with Pownceby's efforts.

Scot boxer Kris Carslaw had fought in an earlier bout and was chatting with some of his supporters when Glen Hunt was teaching the Cantabrian a lesson.

He was shaking his head and, to paraphrase, said something like: "I dinnae ken what the #@%* this is aw aboot, but it's not boxing."

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READERS' VIEWS

Quite right Dyls, the greatest oxymoron in the sporting world - who can go slowly the fastest! Looking forward to your diatribe on synchronised swimming and diving next.
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