Cleaver's Games: March 17

As a reporter at the Commonwealth Games it's all about picking your events. Everybody wants their byline on a story that says "Moss brings home gold!"

Nobody wants to write, "Roulston finishes eighth!" There's a certain kudos that comes with being able to say you were there when such and such won gold.

It's why the Press Association reporters tally up their personal medal tally (which is then divided by how many times they witness chef de mission Dave Currie doing a haka to come up with an overall winner).

It's why the more experienced reporters, the ones who make up the assignment lists, will screw up their faces and say things like: "I think covering the swim finals is going to be a prick of a job tonight. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I tell you what - I'll take that on and how about you head on off to New Zealand v Barbados hockey. Good lad."

I'm not saying that's the reason why I was at the track cycling last night watching a big bunch of nothing while most of my colleagues lounged around the pool watching Moss Burmester, but I need something to blame for my folly.

I could have gone to the swimming. I was offered a ticket. I chose wrong.

Earlier in the day I was a little luckier. The women's 48kg weightlifting had one of those classic finishes that makes you appreciate the theatre of sport.

The division turned into a battle between statuesque French Canadian Marilou Dozois-Prevost and squat Indian policewoman Kunjarani Devi Nameirakpam.

MDP led by 1kg after the snatch but KDN, the reigning champion, wasn't ready to let go of her title and on her final clean and jerk lifted a Commonwealth games record clean and jerk to win by kilogram.

I thought it would make me feel better writing about that, but I was wrong. I stuffed up.

Moss, I'll never miss you swim again.

* Tim Eves, APN's man in the north, with this breaking news: Bus drivers from Cairns are not very good at navigating their way around Melbourne.

These things become obvious when the media bus assigned to take the waiting vultures to a hockey venue hangs a left, runs a red light, road rages one of his bus driving colleagues, then drives headlong into a car park.

"I don't think we should have taken that left turn back there," he tells his 'navigator', a volunteer who was riding shotgun and looked suspiciously like he was asleep.

Still, at least the bus driver had an excuse.

He was from Northern Territory, one of the 200-odd drivers imported into the city especially for the Games.

No such excuses for the taxi driver in Melbourne who swore he knew the Port Melbourne suburb like the back of his hand, yet was only able to find the Melbourne International Shooting Club by getting disorientated passengers to refer to the Melbourne street reference book.

* Every time I write something that comes across as anti-Ozstrayan I get an angry email or three from the penal colonies.

So let me qualify this next paragraph by saying Oztstraya is the greatest country in the world with the greatest, most humble athletes in the whole world and Melbun is easily the greatest city in the whole wide world.

But hell, wasn't it great to see that Scottish lass get up to beat favourite Libby Lenton in the first women's final of the meet.

Not that I have anything against Lenton who's probably the greatest swimmer in the universe ever.

And to you Ozstrayan emailers, thank you for caring enough to write to me telling me how much you don't care what I write.

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READERS' VIEWS

O my dear Kiwi friends why are you all so jealous of us? Could it be that we were the first nation to take the Olde Mug of the Yanks? Could it be the fact that we have won the Rugby World Cup twice? Could it be that we have hosted the Olympic Games not once but twice with Sydney being officially declared the best Olympics ever? Could it be that we have made it to the Soccer World Cup? Could it be that we came fourth in the medals tally at the Athens Olympics? (out of 170 countries) Could it be that we produced the greatest batsman in cricket and the greatest bowler (and no it wasn't Richard Hadlee), or could it just be because we are the greatest sporting nation on the planet. I guess when people say that New Zealand is the England of the South Pacific it's not just the abysmal weather they are talking about but also that typical British trait of thinking that winning isn't everything. In Australia winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. We just don't accept mediocrity.! Yes, I must agree, the opening ceremony was a tad boring but watching Australia end up on top of the medals tally again won't be. As far as the Queen's cat's arse look towards our PM is concerned, another reason to say LONG LIVE THE REPUBLIC. VIVA AUSTRALIA, long may you remain the greatest nation on earth (who says we are self congratulatory and arrogant?) actually thats just another thing we are good at. As one reader said 'Get a life NZ'.
- Si, Australia

Keep up the good work, mate. As a Kiwi who has lived in Australia for 20 years, I enjoy reading the Kiwi perspective. Great to see Moss win (though unfortunately we did not get to hear the anthem on TV) and to see the haka! By the way - Cairns is in QLD, not NT - thought you'd prefer to hear that from a Kiwi.
- Marge

As an Australian, I find it strange that my compatriots would react so strongly against your criticism of the Games ceremony. I realise that you are hoping for a reaction, and perhaps are publishing the craziest responses for the enjoyment of your readers, however Australians as a whole are being totally misrepresented. Personally I, and no one else I know, watched the opening ceremony. The Australian media (such as the radio station JJJ) I listen to paid scant attention to it, and when they did, were even more critical of its kitchiness then you were. Melbourne, I assume (I live in Brisbane) is simply biding their time waiting for the AFL to start, which is what they really care about. The Commonwealth Games to them is probably merely a sideshow. To the rest of Australia, it is far less. Finally, I hope New Zealand and other non-Australian nations do very well in the medal tally, if only to silence the Channel Nine commentators.
- Stephen Nicolson