Cleaver's Games: March 14

Today was going to be the day when Melbourne's infamous "hook turn" traffic law* was brought into the spotlight, but it's impossible to resist making the most of Australian misery.

There's a fine line between confidence and outright arrogance. Australia, as a nation, and Australians, as individuals, seem keen to tread it all the time.

Every now and then it bites back. Yesterday was one of those rare and beautiful moments when it was possible to find a speechless Australian.

"434! Australia smashes record and breaks South Africa's hearts," trumpeted the biggest-selling daily newspaper in Melbourne yesterday. Of course, anybody watching the television news or following updates online already knew that it was South Africa - which passed 434 with one ball to spare - that had broken Australia's hearts.

It broke the banks of two Australian punters who both put $20,000 on Australia winning at the break between innings. Their potential collect was just $200.

The Beige Brigade will also be looking for new material. They've always delighted in mocking New Zealand Cricket chief executive Martin Snedden as a world record holder after England smashed him for 105 runs off his 12 overs at the 1983 World Cup.

That pales in comparison to the 113 Aussie no-hoper Mick Lewis conceded off his 10 overs yesterday.

It's not the only time deadlines have not been kind to Australian newspapers of late.

Melbourne's The Age ran a magazine-style Games supplement that was blighted by a cover story examining how Ian Thorpe coped with the pressures of being expected to win gold - on the day he pulled out of the Commonwealths.

But if you thought this would be a signal for Australia to become more measured in their jingoism, fear not.

Today's newspaper trumpeted the fact that the home country expects to win all 19 gold medals dished out to female swimmers.

We can only hope they handle pressure as well as their cricketers did yesterday.

* See link below for explananation of the "hook turn".

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READERS' VIEWS

If Martin Snedden had been bowling in that cricket game he would have gone for a LOT more than Lewis did - how can you compare the two performances on different grounds with different conditions, batsmen and bats. Your endless, obsessive Aussie bashing is so boring, especially when most Australians couldn't care less what Kiwis do or don't do. Go back to sleepy little NZ if you can't find anything positive to say.
- Scott

You'd never understand the finer points of the hook turn.
- Darcey Waltergrave