Breaking down the Bollywood rugby movie

Bollywood's take on rugby did the rounds yesterday as footage was uploaded on Reddit of the 2004 film Sye.

Read: Bollywood's hilarious take on rugby

It was amazing and we wanted more. Thankfully someone put the an edited version of the film on YouTube:

Cameron McMillan watched and broke down the rugby action.

1.00 - Early into the movie a group enters on motorbikes. These guys seem like big time rebels. One of them even knocks over a parking sign. You can sense trouble. They enter a university and walk past another group of men sitting on some steps and there is heavy electric guitar music playing - there is tension.

1.45 - A Dan Carter/Virat Kolhi like character enters, also on a motorbike and without a helmet with a cigarette in his mouth (there is obviously nothing in his contract about avoiding risky activities that could lead to injury). He drives through a big puddle. The music playing makes it clear that this is the man and he's the hero of the film. I know this because the lyrics say 'Yo, this is the man' and 'he's rubbing out the zero, cause he's a hero'.

2.08 - Finally some rugby. A team in blue and another team in white are training. 'Wings and claws' says the voiceover. A player attempts a drop kick and doesn't hit it cleanly, despite this the ball still gets plenty of air and a crazy amount of spin. End scene.

3.26 - BIFF. Well, a guy gets slapped. Three times. This shows the rough off the field side of rugby we rarely see. Carter-Kohli is back, and he's smoking again and he's wearing a shirt with an eagle on it. That must be his team. His teammates slap the older man a further eight times. Then it's time for a song.

6.45 - Sing and dance number #1 - Just your run-of-the-mill boy meets girl dance number.

8.05 - Carter-Kohli says hi to a women in pink. Potential WAG.

9.26 - Showdown. Carter-Kohli almost gets in a fight with a fellow student at the university but it is stopped by a teacher. 'Rugby,' he says to the guy he was about to punch. 'Evening, 4 o'clock' is the response. Then they both say 'Sye'. Hey that's the name of the movie.

Obviously they're going to settle this fight over a game of rugby - common practice across many schools in New Zealand.

9.45 - Game time. We see a really dirty rugby ball, obviously the only ball in India. One team are all wearing red boots, another team are all wearing black boots, which is huge progress considering the All Blacks only just sorted that out in their last test at Eden Park. Then we see a lineout, some big hits and plenty of knock-ons. Ball retention seems a low priority. A cheerleader then explains the rules of rugby to another cheerleader.

And then we see a penalty attempt from in front of the posts - but both teams are standing behind the kicker - maybe it's a kicking contest.

CLAWS 3 WINGS 0 the scoreboard reads. So it was a penalty. Obviously the Wings thought he wouldn't miss and were getting ready to kickoff. Very risky strategy. And then that's it. Game over. Wow.

16.20 - Song and dance number #2 - This one includes people hitting rocks with sledge-hammers. Good training method. Colin Meads would approve.

22.00 - Song and dance number #3 - Dance club vibe.

24.12-52.00 - Just more singing and dancing and no rugby. Let's skip to the action.

52.10 - Carter-Kohli receives a phone call from a man with a nose ring like a bull. It sounds bad. He has one of his friends and he's going to hurt him. Then they do by hitting him in the stomach with a steel pole.

Carter-Kohli quickly runs to try and save his friend who is hurt really bad, maybe that blow ruptured a spleen or something. A challenge is set down and Carter-Kohli responds with 'Sye'. Which I think means 'game on'.

54.12 - The Eagles are training for the big game. Running down hills at great speed. Showing amazing stamina before doing some passing drills. They arrive at the M.K College of Arts and Sciences, Hyderabad. It's locked up and a sign falls down. Maybe they are playing to rescue the college. Man that is pressure.

54.32 - Game day. The Eagles vs the Bulls (let's just assume the film-makers contacted the Chicago Bulls and asked to use their logo and that there is no copyright infringement taking place. I'm sure that's the case).

54.43 - Did the PA announcer just say 'World Cup'? Everyone takes their seats for the big game. Did I mention this is being screened on TV? It's pretty much the IPL of rugby. The Eagles head out onto the field and look confident. Carter-Kohli leads them out and he's wearing gloves, which is not the first time in the film that hints he's a big Tony Brown fan. And then enter the Bulls. What an entrance. They are led out by men banging drums followed by an actual bull.

56.11 - The two teams meet at halfway. I'm guessing the Bulls boss with the nose-ring has the deed to the university grounds and they are playing to get it back. Anyway paperwork is signed off before the game, naturally.

Referee: 'The game starts in five minutes'. Then he and his touch judges run from the field.

56.32 - Wait the Bulls aren't setting up for a haka are they?

Holy heck they are.

Will they do Ka Mate or Kapa O Pango? It's a mix of Samoa's Siva Tau with Ka Mate. Not the best attempt at the haka, but it's rattled the Eagles big time.

57.12 - The Bulls coach then sledges the Eagles coach and whatever he says works as it reduces the Eagles coach to tears. We need to send this to Steve Hansen right away.

57.45 - The Bulls kick off and the Eagles lock makes a clean catch deep in his own half, but magically the ruck moves to their 40m line.

58.12 - First attacking chance and The Eagles score with quick move down the blindside from a ruck. Great support from Carter-Kohli who gets the last pass to dive over the try line. Very Jeff Wilson like dive though. It's 2-0. Two for a try! So they are playing 1891 rules then. Good to know.

58.45 - First scrum and no reset needed. The Bulls win a tighthead though. Then they run a Will Skelton like player at first receiver and he bowls over the Eagles defender.

59.27 - Another scrum and the Bulls use this for a strange tactic never seen before. A Bulls player detaches, lies at the bottom of the scrum and punches the Eagles front row. The referee does nothing so a brawl breaks out.

59.50 - The Bulls score. Pick and go works a dream. Next thing we know it's 10-2 to the Bulls and the Eagles are dejected. No coming back from this.

1.00.29 - But what's this? They're bringing on replacements. Game changer. And they are impact players. Suddenly the Eagles are dominating the scrums. But the Bulls score again and it's 12-2.

1.01.07 - Carter-Kohli looks to score before halftime but the whistle blows just before he dots down. He drops an S-bomb.

1.01.30 - Rousing halftime speech from the Eagles coach. Again, send a copy to Hansen.

1.02.45 - The second half begins with the music very similar to the Mortal Kombat theme. Take note ground announcer at Twickenham.

1.03.23 - Just wanted to point out there is a player in the Eagles wearing glasses. As a glasses-wearer myself I see this as a bold statement towards the greedy contacts industry.

1.03.30 - Carter-Kohli celebrates another try which we don't see scored and then suddenly it's 24-15 to the Eagles. What a comeback.

1.03.46 - A Bulls player is pushed into touch and straight into a wire fence.

1.04.30 - An Eagles player jumps over a ruck to score. A cheerleader grabs his cheeks and he's so taken back with emotion that his hair changes to different colours.

1.04.43 - The now infamous 'kick to the nuts' play. And we can see how the Eagles were able to pull it off.

The teams crowd around the referee to argue a penalty. Meanwhile five Eagles players hold down a Bulls man who shouts for the ref's attention before he has a hand over his mouth. An Eagles player lines him up, runs in and slides to kick him in the nether regions. It's a low blow for sure. They innocently point out to the ref that the man is injured.

1.05.45 - The Bulls coach comes on and straight away goes on a Lomu-like run to score, cutting the lead to 26-17. Suddenly he's unstoppable scoring another, before kicking Carter-Kohli in the face. He's down and time is ticking. The crowd inspire him to get up. No one seems to cares about the concussion laws! Surely he'll regret this decision later in life.

1.07.15 - Carter-Kohli is away, he passes behind his back. But there's only 30 seconds left. Which shouldn't matter as the last time we saw the scoreboard the Eagles were leading.

Carter-Kohli knocks on. Drama and then suddenly he's the last defender as the Bulls have a one-on-one. But like McCaw he makes a huge tackle and steals the ball.

13 seconds left and Carter-Kohli has the ball again and he performs the greatest dummy ever seen on a rugby field. He has his eye on the tryline and despite being in slow-mo the clock is running in real time. A bit unfair. There was already a tough enough task for the Eagles as they had to overcome so many obstacles to get to this point but asking them to beat time as well? Too much. Despite that, Carter-Kohli scores. Or does he? The TMO (no doubt it's George Ayoub) to decide.

And after all the players are removed (they all piled on him), we see Carter-Kohli has scored. The Eagles have stretched their lead in the final play of the game. What an ending. The players and crowd go crazy.

Carter-Kohli is carried off the field on the shoulders of his teammates.

End of movie? So you'd think.

1.09.43 - The Bulls coach doesn't like losing. He pulls out a nasty looking knife and charges at Carter-Kohli. Pitch invasion. And a massive fight breaks out. This really is taking a shine off what has been a brilliant encounter.

1.10.45 - The Bulls coach has a Bulls billboard slammed over his head. A rope is tied to the bull mascot and to the billboard around his head. The bull is then hit in the backside with a crutch, and it runs away, pulling the coach along the ground eventually hanging him on the crossbar of the goal-posts.

The Eagles players line up to watch him die and an eagle flies past. Fin.