Athletics: Depressed Holmes suffered months of self-harm before her Olympic triumph

Kelly Holmes

LONDON - Britain's double Olympic middle-distance gold medallist Kelly Holmes put herself through two months of self-harm with scissors a year before her Athens triumph because she was so depressed about her injuries.

Holmes told the News of the World that she even considered suicide during the period in 2003 when a series of injuries looked set to end her hopes of a first global title.

"I thought I was cursed, it was the lowest I have ever, ever been," she was quoted as saying by the British Sunday newspaper.

"I'd locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the taps so nobody could hear me crying.

"That's when I saw a pair of scissors. I picked them up, opened them and started to cut my left arm. I made one cut for every day I'd been injured. With each one I felt I was punishing myself but at the same time I felt a sense of release that drove me to do it again and again.

"The blood ran down the sink and swirled away with the water.

"I knew deep inside that I wouldn't go any further. The whole episode was nothing more than a cry of despair."

Holmes said she progressed to cutting her chest so that people would not notice the wounds and only after she sought help for her depression did she begin to recover.

The leg injuries that caused the depression eventually healed and Holmes went on to produce one of the greatest performances in British athletics history, winning the 800/1500 metres double at the 2004 Games in Athens with two classic race performances.

The former British Army sergeant was named Britain's Sports Personality of 2004 and made a Dame in the New Year Honours list.

Holmes, now 35, was also named Laureus World Sportswoman of the Year and has announced that she will retire from international athletics at the end of the season.

Her autobiography - Black, White & Gold - is published next month.

- REUTERS