Andrew Mulligan: Star Oars - A Darth in Family

Is Dick Tonks the cantankerous loner like Han Solo? Photo / Getty Images

Is Dick Tonks a Han Solo-type facing down an evil Empire?

Episode One
The Empire says No, Dick

There's no better way to bring an analogy to a good old-fashioned disagreement between an employee and an organisation than to use the cinematic masterpiece of Star Wars as a device to illustrate what has gone down on golden pond (a lake really).

A long time ago (Tuesday night this week, quite a long time in a 24-hour news cycle these days) in a galaxy far, far away (Lake Karapiro, because it's a bit of drive for Aucklanders and you have to get past Hamilton).

It is a period of civil war. (It truly is, with Rowing New Zealand at odds with legendary loner Dick Tonks. It feels like this is just the tip of the iceberg which would sink the Titanic but ironically prove to be a just a deviation for a rowing crew because they sit higher in the water. Excuse me for mixing my movie metaphors. All this begs the question, however; which Star Wars character is Tonks most like? Is he a cantankerous loner like Han Solo? Or a reclusive genius like Yoda, whose syntax is easier to comprehend? He's definitely somewhere in between).

Back to the story.

Rebel spaceships (these Chinese regional rowers who must be rather bemused at all the fuss they have seemingly caused one of the most successful coaches in recent history to quit his national programme by turning up and just wanting to improve for nationals in 2017) striking (rowing, really) from a hidden base (where exactly in China are they from, not that it really matters), have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire (there's no getting away from the fact that Rowing New Zealand have been made to look inflexible and autocratic in this so far).

During the battle, rebel spies (Chinese rowers) managed to steal secret plans (not so much steal but tap into highly sought after rowing intellectual property wanted internationally, excuse me, "galactically") to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armoured space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. (What has been created at Lake Karapiro is not so much a purpose-built star to destroy planets but rather a hub set up to destroy rowing programmes of rival countries with continued success at the Olympics and world championships).

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents (again, there's nothing sinister about Rowing New Zealand chief executive Simon Peterson and the organisation but how did it come to this? And why?) Princess Leia (Sorry, Mahe) races home aboard her starship (his mountain bike), custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people (Our and his medal chances) and restore freedom to the galaxy. (Meaning to bring Tonks back into the warm insides of Rowing New Zealand's Tauntaun carcass like Luke did in The Empire Strikes Back).

Mahe Drysdale is the key here because his say and input needs to be considered above all. Can he shake off a second this year at the worlds and peak for the Olympics in August next year with all this happening and Tonks seemingly gone? Or will the strange (for rowing) public spat that is taking place resolve itself with appropriate mediation and respectful dialogue and have a resolution all parties can be happy with? For rowing's sake, we can only hope so.

Andrew Mulligan co-hosts The Crowd Goes Wild breakfast show on Radio Sport.