"You can see when life is gone, he just had that look."
These are the heart-rending words of Beula Thomas, a young Wellington mother watching as the life of her son Jayden - newly born and home for just two days - slips away.
"He was the first grandson in our family and there was a huge celebration when we brought him home," she says. "And then it was all gone."
Thomas is recalling the tragedy that befell herself, husband Kingsley and their daughter Destiny (now six) in January 2016: "My husband broke down and I went into shock but had to hold myself together because I knew my daughter was watching; she thought Jayden had gone to sleep."
As if the trauma of that January day was not enough, the Thomas family went through more torment when their second son, Judah, was born a month premature just over a year later in February 2017 and for three weeks fought for his life in Wellington Hospital's neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
Thankfully Judah's story had a happy ending and he is today a healthy, bright 21-month-old. For Thomas the experiences "changed my perspective on life" and helped in her decision to do something to give back to other parents facing similar situations.
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She established Brave Hearts, an initiative through which she makes up and delivers gift bags to mums and dads with children in the NICUs in Wellington and Lower Hutt hospitals. So far she estimates she has delivered around 500 goody bags.
For her deeds she has been named an ASB Good as Gold recipient. ASB is giving Thomas $4,000 to help with her charity and $6,000 to spend on a family holiday.
Thomas says she was told of the award on her birthday. "It was a bit of a shock but a nice surprise at the same time. We haven't decided where we will go on holiday, we might go home to Kuwait (Thomas is originally from there) or somewhere like Fiji."
She was nominated for the award by a friend Sharon Foley who says Thomas is an amazing person: "What is so incredible about Beula is she has made the choice to use her story to bless other people.
"What she and her family have been through could destroy a lot of people and while it was a moment in time that was horrific for her, she wanted to show others there is hope, they are not alone, that she has been through it too. This is what makes what she is doing all the more powerful."
ASB general manager corporate communications Christian May says Thomas is a deserving recipient.
"Beula's ability to create some good out of such a tragic event is inspiring," he says. "Her kind and caring attitudes shine through in her work, helping to support other parents going through a similar situation.
"She is an incredibly generous woman who has made a difference to the lives of countless parents going through a tough time. We're proud to be able to recognise her work and give something back to her, considering how much she has given to others."
Thomas joined Kingsley in New Zealand in 2010 soon after their wedding (he was already here working in IT). At the time she had a job in human resources in the United States, but the couple decided to make their home in New Zealand.
When Thomas fell pregnant again she says she was constantly monitored throughout and tested to make sure "everything was ticked off".
So when Judah was born premature – and her experience with Jayden was still fresh in her mind – Thomas says it was "quite scary. My waters broke at home and I was taken to hospital – it was stressful, I was very nervous."
But after spending three weeks in NICU – Thomas went in to be with him every day – Judah was allowed home and today the family couldn't be happier. "He brings us great joy," she says. "He's always happy which is nice and we really enjoy him."
The idea for Brave Hearts came to her one day while she was in the hospital with Judah. "I was walking through the unit talking to some of the other mums and I met one lady who had been there for 100 days and I thought even though my story was hard, there are others also going through the same thing.
"I thought, 'I can turn this around, I can give something back' and I think in helping others, it has helped me too."
So she set to work. In her free time (when she is not busy being a mother or working her part-time office manager job), Thomas started writing to businesses to bring them on board as donors. Every four to six weeks she drops her goody bags off to the hospitals so parents receive one when they arrive at the unit and another when they leave – and on special anniversaries like Mother's Day and Father's Day.
The bags are typically filled with items such as soap, coffee sachets, toiletries and chocolate – products that are both practical but also designed "to make them feel happy." Thomas also makes sure each bag has a handwritten note in it to show the mums there are people who care about them.
These notes end with these words of strength and encouragement for parents faced with the stress and anxiety of having a baby in NICU: "From Brave Hearts – You've got this!"