She expected her boy to learn how to play sport or tinker with cars – but the lessons were so much bigger than that.
Her son learned how to talk and to listen, how to respect her (his mother) and show up and be there for others.
They were lessons that would help shape his future, inspired by a Big Buddy, who had volunteered to spend regular time with her son – a gesture both of them found immense and life-changing.
This is one of the touching stories shared by a mother whose son found love and support through his friendship with a Big Buddy – a unique programme that pairs boys without fathers in their lives with male volunteers committed to showing up and being there.
Started in 1998 by Richard Aston, the programme, which is asking for applications now from those who would like to become a Big Buddy in 2021, is today headed by CEO Paul Burns.. He says the partnership between the boys (aged between 7 and 14) and the Big Buddies is transformative – and not just for the boys.
"The men start to view their little buddies as part of the family. They talk about how they can't imagine not spending time with them. Although the initial commitment is for one year, the friendship between Big Buddies and Little Buddies often ends up lasting much longer," he says.
For boys without a significant male role model, the presence of a Big Buddy can be hugely significant. Once a week, the Big Buddy spends time with the Little Buddy: be it for a drive or a chat under a tree in the park, the listening ear of an older, emotionally aware male can have profound positive effects.
Burns says that the role of the Big Buddy was summed up perfectly in a recent survey: "The men were asked to explain what it meant to be a Big Buddy. One man responded: 'We show up, we spend time and we come back'. This may seem simple, but it's actually incredibly profound."
Finding the right men for the job is most important and the reward of even being confirmed as a Big Buddy is a feel-good moment for many volunteers.
There are seven steps to the screening, including police checks, a psychological assessment, character references and a doctor's check. So respected is this process that the Ministry of Social Development has recommended the template to other organisations involved with vulnerable children.
Safety is a major priority, of course, but so is emotional intelligence and reliability. "There are so many layers to the screening process, which need to be congruent and add up with each other, for us to accept someone as a Big Buddy," says Burns.
Once the process is complete, the decision makers in the Big Buddy team assess which volunteer will partner best with which child. This is another important part of the equation and the programme has been incredibly successful at making the right match, Burns says.
"Because so much effort and care go into matching the boys with the Big Buddies, they become like family," he says. "For the younger Big Buddies in particular, the Little Buddies end up being like a younger brother."
Burns explains that mums often hear of the Big Buddy programme via word of mouth, as friends share their experiences of having their sons partnered. But there is a waiting list for Big Buddies; extra volunteers are always needed.
The programme is based in four centres, Auckland, Hamilton, Tauranga and Wellington, and Burns is encouraging men with the right qualities to make contact before Christmas.
Once someone makes contact, it will only take a few days to get the ball rolling. The screening process, however, takes anywhere up to 12 weeks, so it's a good idea to get in as soon as possible for a match-up in the new year.
The Big Buddy programme recently won the Excellence in Community Contribution at the Westpac Business Awards – testament to the work they are doing in the community.
Burns says the Big Buddies also find their lives changed: "People don't realise how much impact it has on the lives of the men who are working alongside the boys. Our Big Buddies report that it's been an incredible experience for them as well.
"With a waiting list of Little Buddies, we need more Big Buddies," he says. "We want kind-hearted men to apply and would like to hear from them as soon as possible."
For more information, visit bigbuddy.org.nz