Zeitgeist: Gender reveal parties need a modern makeover

Gender reveal capitalism is a machine that pushes parents to think outside the box if they want to go viral with their baby gender reveal parties. Photo / 123rf

If you’re hell-bent on making a big deal about what genitals your unborn baby has, and want to share the news with the world on social media, can we please just stick to something safe like a cake reveal?

I have a feeling this is an incredibly unpopular opinion, but I’ve personally always found the whole fixation on whether a baby has a penis or a vagina a little perplexing. In saying that, I’ve not experienced parenthood, so maybe it’s like a rite of passage. Gender reveal parties typically involve the use of props or activities to reveal the baby’s gender, such as cutting into a cake to reveal pink or blue filling, popping balloons with confetti of a certain colour, or using coloured smoke to reveal the gender.

However, we live in an attention economy where social media views, shares, and likes are currency, and life experiences are monetised. Gender reveal capitalism is a machine that pushes parents to think outside the box if they want to go viral with their baby gender reveal parties. There are actual subreddits dedicated to sharing cringe-worthy gender reveal celebrations and honestly, some of them are so far beyond ridiculous I get second-hand embarrassment just thinking about it.

I’ve seen one viral video where a family is all standing around a toilet in anticipation, and then someone flushes the toilet to reveal the parents-to-be are having a baby boy. I promise you, I’m not making this up. On a more serious note, people have literally died because of these stupid stunts. In 2019 a soon-to-be-grandmother was killed at a gender reveal party in Iowa when she was struck in the head by shrapnel from a homemade pipe bomb that contained gunpowder.

Waterways have been contaminated, and huge forest fires have been started. More recently, a Manhattan pigeon called Flamingo died after he was coloured pink with human hair dye. His rescuers shared the sad news on Twitter: “Despite our best efforts to reduce the fumes coming off the dye, while keeping him calm and stable, he died in the night. We believe his death was caused by inhaling the toxins.”

Apparently, having a child is not exciting enough anymore, the baby needs to come into the world with the production value-worthy of a flashy, show-stopping Kardashian shindig.

Gendering children prior to their arrival into the world is a relatively new phenomenon.

It was a guessing game for expecting parents until sex identification via ultrasound became more widely practised and available in American hospitals in the late-1970s. This technology didn’t arrive in New Zealand until the 1980s.

In recent years, the trend of gender reveal parties has continued to grow, with many expectant parents choosing to make these events a part of their pregnancy journey. However, these parties have also come under criticism for reinforcing gender stereotypes, promoting consumerism, and causing harm to others and the environment.

So how did this obsession first become a thing?

Enter Jenna Karvunidis, a blogger who in 2008 made a post about the special cake she baked which, once cut, revealed the sex of the baby as the icing was supposed to be either pink, meaning she would be having a girl, or blue, meaning she would be having a boy. She has since expressed her regret for unintentionally inventing the trend in a Facebook post. “I’ve felt a lot of mixed feelings about my random contribution to the culture. It just exploded into crazy after that. Literally - guns firing, forest fires, more emphasis on gender than has ever been necessary for a baby….Who cares what gender the baby is? I did at the time because we didn’t live in 2019 and didn’t know what we know now - that assigning focus on gender at birth leaves out so much of their potential and talents that have nothing to do with what’s between their legs.”

Jenna isn’t alone when it comes to her views. Many critics argue that these parties perpetuate the idea that gender is binary and can be determined by the colour of balloons or confetti, when in reality, gender identity is a complex and fluid concept. Historically, sex and gender have both been terms that have been used interchangeably. However, more recently, research has shown that these two terms are in fact, two completely different concepts. The word sex is rooted in biology, whereas gender is often described as a psychological, cultural, and social construct. There are lots of different, strongly held beliefs when it comes to this topic of discussion. Whether we like it or not, new research and science-based discoveries are painting a more complex and nuanced picture when it comes to gender.

So do gender reveal parties need a modern makeover? I vote yes. I think it’s time we move away from restrictive and unimaginative pink-and-blue parties, and spice things up a bit. I would love to see people get creative with XY, XX chromosome-themed reveals, or a baby name reveal party. There are so many new, cool, safe, inclusive, and environmentally friendly ways to celebrate new life in 2023.