Wyn Drabble: ‘I’ll tell you one thing’ about politicians’ weasel words

Opinion

I’ve just read an interesting article about our leading politicians and how they respond to questions they don’t want to answer.

As soon as I saw what the article was about, Judith Collins sprang to mind with her, “I’ll tell you one thing …”

But that didn’t get her far, did it?

“Okay, I’ll tell you another thing.”

And going back a few decades and popping over to Queensland for a moment, Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen had his vacuous, all-purpose response: “Oh, don’t you worry about that!”

Judith Collins always seems to want to tell us "one thing". Turns out that catchphrase didn't go down so well with voters. Photo / Mark Mitchell

Six words which answered nothing but at least provided us with a giggle and, in worst-case scenarios, the sudden unexplained desire to consume a pumpkin scone.

The very day I read the article, I saw a bold and brash example on TV from Christopher Luxon.

I can’t remember what the question was about, but that didn’t matter anyway because he just answered a completely different one. This (made-up) example will illustrate this.

Interviewer: Mr Luxon, what do you see as the best way forward to deal with increasing levels of violent crime?

Luxon: What we’ve clearly got here is an obvious example of the need to update weather forecasting technology.

The article referred to “block and bridge phrases”, which I will refer to from here as BBPs. Monitoring of past interviews by Jacinda Ardern revealed that her favourite BPP was “as I say”.

"As I say" was a favourite of Dame Jacinda Ardern.

It’s easy to see how such a phrase works. It doesn’t add anything to the conversation but, because our thought processes work very quickly, it allows for time to think about, even formulate, an answer. Or time to get the interview back to a topic you want to talk about.

Chris Hipkins’ favourite BBPs, according to the article, are almost the same as Jacinda’s but with slightly altered wording: “As I have indicated …”, and the variants “as I’ve said” and “as I say”.

Apparently Luxon has a greater range, from his favourite “the reality is …” to some which sound rather Collins-influenced - “What I can tell you …” and “what I am saying is …”

Which brings us all rather neatly to Donald Trump. Whereas political commentators can quite easily transcribe what our politicians say, it is much harder for US transcribers. When Trump starts speaking off the cuff, he rambles and transgresses to some often strange tangents.

In one famous example from 2015, he took 285 words to say “the Iran deal is bad for the United States”. This included some peripheral discussion about his uncle’s education!

According to studies – and who can argue with studies? – many of his techniques are borrowed from the language that salespeople use. He might use “many people are saying…” or “believe me…”, but he will say it right after saying something baseless or untrue.

And when he uses “crooked” to describe someone else, the irony could be mopped from his brow. With a super-absorbent towel.

Edinburgh University linguist Geoffrey Pullum summed him up well: “He’s an undisciplined narcissist who craves power but doesn’t have the intellectual capacity to exercise it wisely.”

So, having considered the man who wants to run for president again, I guess we can regard our own politicians’ speaking foibles in a more favourable light. They feel more homely and cosy somehow. We can wrap them around us and feel reasonably safe.

And I’ll tell you another thing, they’re more deserving of our trust. What I’m saying here is I would sooner have these milder offences than Trumpisms. As I say/what I can tell you/what I am saying is that they’re not as bad as I first thought they were.

Winston Peters (interrupting): But what about the broken promises?

Voice from above: Oh, don’t you worry about that!

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.