Woman accused of staying with allegedly abusive ex to ‘make his life misery’

A Dunedin woman has been accused of staying in a relationship with an allegedly violent man in an attempt to “make his life misery”.

A man charged with two counts of strangulation, two counts of assault in a family relationship and one charge of sexual violation faces a jury trial this week in the Dunedin District Court in front of Judge Michael Turner.

He also pleaded not guilty to two counts of assault with intent to injure, two counts of injuring with intent to injure, dangerous driving and threatening to kill.

On Monday the jury watched the woman’s police interview and heard how the alleged abuse was present in the relationship for many years.

The charges arose from incidents in 2020 and 2021.

In one incident she was allegedly trapped in a vehicle and beaten until the sun came up.

“He ripped my hair out ... when we were in the back seat he was trying to strangle me.

“I would have done anything that night to get out of that car.”

The woman handed over her diaries and phone to a detective in 2021 and said her phone contained messages, many recordings and photographic evidence of her injuries.

Yesterday, the woman faced cross-examination from Anne Stevens KC.

“I suggest there are no recordings because these incidents didn’t happen the way you describe them.

“You said that there were messages ... none of these things exist do they?”

Stevens said the woman was the aggressor in the relationship, citing the man’s self-admission to Wakari Hospital once the pair had broken up.

“I suggest that things got worse as you abused him more, would you agree?

“You were just unrelentingly horrible to him?”

The woman was adamant her ex had lied to her throughout the relationship and she had been the victim of extreme, escalating violence.

“There is no way I would be able to hit him without him severely hurting me ... he’s twice the size of me.”

She had extensive injuries throughout their relationship but said she struggled to confide in medical professionals.

Mrs Stevens called her testimony “lies”.

The man allegedly broke her arm by throwing a container at her nine weeks before their wedding.

“It’s not what you told the emergency staff though, is it?” Stevens said.

The woman said many of her friends witnessed her injuries and knew what had caused them — she also confided in a nurse.

“I was scared ... when women are being assessed by family harm I don’t believe many of them would speak up, especially when the man is there.”

Stevens questioned why she stayed married to the man given the violent nature of their relationship.

“You stayed to make his life misery, isn’t that right?,” Stevens suggested.

“No, I was young and in love and I was lost and I didn’t know what was right ... I was weak. I felt worthless,” the complainant said.

“I believed that if I was the perfect housewife then it would stop.”

The woman’s friends, hairdresser and neighbour are expected to give evidence later this week, along with her teenage son.