'Why didn't you like it?': The questions people asked after man was raped by a woman

WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT: Some readers may find the content distressing.

Josh remembers yelling over and over for her to stop. But she didn't. He has to deal with people asking 'how a 6 foot 3 guy could be raped' or 'why I didn't like it'.

"Let's take the gender out of it. Trauma is trauma," he said.

Josh spoke to CTV as part of its Challenge the Silence series. One in six boys will be sexually abused before they are 18. In this video series, 10 men have told their stories..

Josh spoke to CTV as part of its Challenge the Silence series. Photo / CTV

All grew up believing they were the only ones it had happened to. Now they want other victims to know they are not alone and, if they are ready, help is there for them.

He said for a number of years he did not remember what had happened and "deliberately pushed it all down".

"And it hit me when I was actually at a festival with a whole bunch of people.

"I woke up and I was feeling really vulnerable."

He had not felt that way in a long time and when he asked himself: "When had I felt like this before?" it all came back.

"That was a confusing time for me and it took about three months to work out what even happened to me."

Josh revealed before he was raped he spent around 4 years being celibate.

"I didn't want to know about it because I wanted get myself right, so I could be in a relationship. I didn't want to be with me so why would anybody else?", he said.
Josh said he was raped by someone he knew.

He doesn't remember much about the rape, except that he yelled "not like this" several times.

"I don't remember what happened after that.

"That moment's still hard for me to deal with obviously."

After remembering the rape, Josh suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The "constant" anxiety wore him down, and the PTSD also affected his relationships and confidence.

"You feel like you are the only one. You really do."

After trying to deal with what had happened himself he eventually sought help.

"If I wanted to get better I had no choice."

Getting that help and talking to other men who had suffered from sexual abuse had helped.

He believed the extent of the problem was not known because men did not talk.

"It's a hidden thing."

WHERE TO GET HELP:

If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.

OR IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE:

• LIFELINE: 0800 543 354 or 09 5222 999 within Auckland (available 24/7)
• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633 ,free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nzor online chat.
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757
• SAMARITANS – 0800 726 666.