The fuss over Wales being red-carded out of the Rugby World Cup has obscured a deeper issue. Why were they there in the first place?
My dislike of the Welsh team has nothing to do with the insecurity I feel as my wife openly ogles the young men in red shirts. No. The fact is that Wales is not a country. It is a cold and bleak backwater of Great Britain, known mostly for coal mining, black lung and a fascination for a certain root vegetable.
The same is true for Scotland. Scotland is a nice place in summer but like the mythical Haggis, Scottish sovereignty does not exist.
Neither should be playing alongside real countries in a World Cup.
The same cannot be said for England, the country that conquered both Scotland and Wales. The first by co-opting a Scottish king to the English throne and the second by force of arms.
True, Scotland and Wales send teams to the Commonwealth Games but no one cares about the Commonwealth Games except Valerie Adams and anyway, both the Isle of Mann and Norfolk Island send teams to the Commonwealth games which underlines my point.
Neither Wales nor Scotland is a member of the United Nations, they do not send teams to the Olympic Games (and not just because caber throwing and leek cooking are not Olympic sports). Yes, they may have pretend-parliaments to make them feel better about themselves but so do the Chatham Islands.
The foolishness of the IRB in re-inventing the map does not stop at the World Cup. Six Nations? No. Four nations and two provinces.
And do not get me started on Georgia. Georgia! I may be an idiot but I know my geography, and Atlanta is not a national capital!
We may as well have Cornwall, Corsica and Colorado in the next World Cup.
It was sad the Welsh captain was sent off after trying to cripple a Frenchman. It ruined a perfectly a good game of rugby and the French team would have had a spare had one of them had their neck snapped like a stale baguette.
However, on the positive side it means that the final will be between two counties and not New Zealand and a British administrative non-entity. We will get to hear the rousing Marseilles sung, a real national anthem and not the wretched dirge that the Welsh hack out of their tar-lined lungs before each game.
It means if we stumble, (God forbid) we will do so to a nation that once had an empire, that gave us Napoleon, Monet and the social acceptability of oral herpes. Victory will avenge the Rainbow Warrior, relive the glory of Agincourt and balance the ledger against every snooty Parisian who has blighted our path.
Beating Wales would be no achievement and losing to them would be no greater disgrace.