When the movies go bad

Internal Security Intelligence Service memorandum Marked: "Potential Terrorist Threat Assessment"/ "Prime Minister's Eyes Only"/ "Destroy After Reading".
From: Agent Bickler.

Mr Prime Minister, It is my duty to report, sir, that a new potential terrorist threat has come to the attention of the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis section of the SIS.

Ongoing surveillance operations of various disaffected potential terrorist factions operating within New Zealand have thrown up a rather disturbing pattern of commonality, suggesting some form of alliance is being forged between these groups.

Specifically, the groups in question come from the disaffected left of society - animal rights activists, self-styled eco-warriors, radical vegan separatists, climate-change advocates and their actor associates, whale-huggers, and members of quasi-anarchist groups such as the Green Party and the SPCA.

In short, our surveillance of all these anti-social groups has exposed a common thread that we believe stitches together a hidden common purpose. Since 17 December 2009, the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis section of the SIS has noted, then cross-checked, then double-officially-noted that known potential terrorists within all the groups we track on a regular basis have been attending screenings of the Hollywood film known as Avatar.

In some cases - particularly among the members of these organisations who live alone or with their parents and who spend large amounts of time online - the potential terrorists have seen the film several times, often going alone to mid-afternoon screenings at a time they would normally be updating their Facebook pages.

When this possible terrorist behavioural pattern was noted, at the SIS Christmas Party, the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis Alert Level was raised from Beige to Lemon. This was due to the suspicion that the film might contain coded messages because the title - Avatar - sounds like it should be code for something.

Also, the film was apparently screening in 3D, which aroused immediate suspicion when 2D is more than enough for normal people. By the time the meeting/briefing/party wrapped up (at approximately 2115 hours), Operation Ratava (which is Avatar spelt backwards, sir, in case you're confused by SIS spy-lingo as I know sometimes you are) had been launched and the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis Alert Level had been raised to Fuschia.

Operation Ratava swung into operation when we all came back from our Christmas vacations. In a highly coordinated tactical operation, SIS agents from across New Zealand purchased tickets and posing as members of the public attended screenings of the film Avatar at cinemas across New Zealand (except the South Island because the memo didn't get through in time.) (Budget details, including ancillary expenditure on popcorn and frozen Coke, are attached as Appendix 1.)

Upon the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis section collating and analysing the reports of the SIS agents who attended Avatar as part of Operation Ratava, several disturbing elements have come to light: (a) At all 3D screenings the audience is made to wear strange glasses. These glasses seem to impair normal vision whilst simultaneously making it easier to watch the film - and therefore easier to read any hidden messages within the film.

Whether these glasses have any direct mind-altering capabilities is being looked into by the back room boys. (Details of potential legal action arising from theft of 3D glasses by SIS agent is attached in Appendix 2.) (b) The film itself portrays humans as bad people compared to the big blue things. We here at the SIS take the view that anything that portrays humans as bad is pro-terrorist.

(c) Moreover, the film in question sends, very subtly, the message that capitalism - and therefore the whole way of life we live - is bad. It seems to state, in a much understated way that even some of our most highly trained agents failed to pick up on, that big business is morally bankrupt, especially when it comes to big blue things who are at one with the trees and animals and stuff. Under some definitions this is a resurgence of Communist sentiment.

(d) More than this, the film appears to outline ways in which those of a tree/dolphin-hugging terrorist bent may harness the power of the planet - through some kind of Tree of Life covered in Christmas lights - to defeat capitalism. Imagine, if you would sir, the economic catastrophe if somehow the fundamentalist vegans of this country managed to turn the cows of New Zealand into a force to fight Fonterra rather than to provide life-giving milk.

It is therefore the finding of the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis section that the Government should move immediately to ban the film Avatar from public screening before it is too late. And also to raise the Potential Terrorist Threat Analysis Alert Level to Taupe, as only you have the power to do.

Respectfully, Agent Bickler.