When pillow talk turns to tears

By ANGELA McCARTHY

You're developing an enormous passion for a fellow worker who impresses you with her work approach, her humour, attitude to others - and the rest.

You had lunch together and you couldn't stop thinking about her afterwards. Should you take the next step and invite her on a date?

You're a manager and have among your staff a couple who have worked together for the one organisation for years. Their intimate knowledge of each other's strengths and weaknesses work well in their sales and marketing area.

But two young people in the same office have also started a relationship that is volatile and badly affecting the dynamics in the office. What do you do?

Such situations happen regularly and can cause headaches for managers. Yet few New Zealand organisations have specific codes of conduct dealing with personal relationships in the office.

In the United States many organisations have introduced "love contracts" that require office couples to formally promise not to sue their employer for sexual harassment or discrimination should their relationships end.

Nothing quite so draconian is happening in Britain. But there are changes afoot, according to a survey on the workplace relationships in 43 large British organisations, including the Foreign Office and four finance houses.

The IRS Employment Review survey found the proportion of firms who had written specific guidelines for office romances had more than doubled in the last two years - up to 10 per cent.

Their concerns? Favouritism, decreased productivity, potential sexual harassment claims and fear of reprisal.

In New Zealand the biggest concern with office lovebirds is conflict of interest in or out of the office. But for the most part, organisations seem to feel a general code of conduct provides ample guidance.

When NZ First MP Craig McNair's then-girlfriend Elizabeth Brown was dismissed in December from her role as parliamentary executive secretary to Labour MP Clayton Cosgrove, Parliamentary Service general manager John O'Sullivan defended the dismissal by saying all staff were required to sign a code of conduct.

"Part of the condition of the code of conduct relates to conflict of interest," he said.

So what does the code actually say? Where any actual or potential conflict of interest may arise during the performance of duties, staff should inform the general manager.

Problems are dealt with on a case-by-case basis; there are no specific relationship guidelines.

McNair was a member of the finance and expenditure select committee Cosgrove was chairing. Brown's situation was resolved through mediation and she is now back at Parliament working as a ministerial secretary for another Labour MP, Chris Carter.

She says that the relationship ended in January due to the pressures on the relationship right from the beginning.

The Ministry of Social Development, which has a staff of around 6000, has a general code of conduct that also covers standards of behaviour towards romance, says human resources general manager Sue Christie.

Conflict of interest, the main concern for the ministry, is covered in the section specifying employees must advise their manager of any conflict of interest or appearance of conflict of interest around personal or family interests. Other large organisations describe similar codes.

One corporate bucking the general approach is trendsetter Vodafone, where HR director Jan Mottram introduced a relationship code of conduct 10 years ago.

With 1200 staff it is inevitable that relationships will occur, says Mottram - there are several peer relationships that she is aware of - so the code is there to avoid putting two individuals in a situation where there is conflict of interest or where other employees perceive there to be conflict.

"If you make relationships a big no-no, then people just try and hide them."

THE prospect of a manager and subordinate getting together raises the most concern.

"It causes all kinds of potential conflict, such as other team members seeing or perceiving preferential treatment," she says.

It would be up to the people involved in the relationship to alert their manager, who would then discuss options. Usually one person would move into a different area.

Another area of concern is financial relationships - when one of a couple is involved in the business of spending and the other in approving expenditure.

There is also the issue of pillow talk with competitors, which is covered by a series of principles around confidentiality of information in employee handbooks and employment contracts, says Mottram.

A problem that overseas research has thrown up is an increasing number of sexual harassment cases taken against employers by disgruntled lovers.

Mottram says Vodafone hasn't had to deal with any office romance going sour that way - yet.

Toni Sherlock, senior associate for law firm Phillips Fox, has occasionally had clients dealing with sexual harassment charges resulting from a failed relationship.

As employers have an obligation to ensure sexual harassment doesn't occur, she says, is the employer risking allegations if they condone workplace relationships?

Sherlock finds employers that have had to deal with a messy office romance are more likely to have introduced formal guidelines.

The most common scenario to cause bosses worry is the manager-and-subordinate liaison, she says.

"Employers discover the relationship and are concerned about issues, such as perception of favouritism or bias, access to information and about what happens when the relationship ends."

Sherlock believes it important to be up-front about what is acceptable.

"The crucial thing we would emphasise is procedure. No matter your view on the relationship, it is important to go through a fair process and sit down and talk about possible ways of resolving the situation."

Hastings-based stress management consultant Wayne Froggatt warns about the fall-out that happens when situations are not well handled.

In his book, Good Stress: the life that can be yours (Harper Collins, $24.95), he warns managers to be wary of office romance because power differences can lead to trouble.

"It will not be an equal relationship. Co-workers may also become jealous. If the relationship ends, one of the parties may have to leave the workplace."

Then there are office affairs. The couple, especially the married employee, often lose the respect of their colleagues. The stress of subterfuge and fear of someone in the office blowing the whistle can be corrosive to office dynamics.

Despite all this, Froggatt acknowledges many romances do happily occur in the workplace and he believes good management training is the secret to keeping equilibrium in the office.



"If there is disquiet about a relationship, it should always be acted upon," he says. "It is a bit of a minefield, but a bit of commonsense and management training should avoid many problems."