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Imagine feeling as if you've been trapped inside the wrong body for nearly 50 years.
That is how Waimate resident Noel Lochhead felt his entire life, as he struggled to relate to the average Kiwi male and continually concealed his true feminine side because he feared persecution.
Now, at the age of 60, the married father of three has received gender re-assignment surgery at a Thai hospital - legally and physically turning him into a her.
Noeleena, who came out as a woman 11 years ago, made her final metamorphosis three weeks ago, following genital reconstruction and breast augmentation surgery at Phuket International Hospital.
"Physically, mentally and emotionally now I am strong enough to handle it. Twenty years ago I don't think I would have been able to, though.
"Some people will have the operation, but they're not mentally and psychologically capable of handling it. That's something you have to be careful of."
Noeleena, now retired, developed a passion for woodwork at school, which culminated with a job in the building industry. However, she struggled to relate to her male co-workers because of her different outlook. "I remember walking into the tea room at work and seeing girls' pictures up on the wall and thinking, 'why don't they just put their clothes on'.
"There are a lot of males I find hard to relate to. I think they've got that perception of what a male is meant to be like and can't see past that."
Noeleena's wife, Jocelyn, said she was shocked when her husband confessed to her 11 years ago that he wanted to be a woman.
"I never suspected anything over 33 years of marriage, but looking back I remember noticing a few things he did that used to drive me mad," Jocelyn said.
"We're slowly working it out. We're just figuring out what to do with our marriage now. We might have to get it annulled.
"My friends have been giving me wonderful support."
Noeleena said Jocelyn had been struggling to cope with the sex change and the couple had lived as sisters since she came out as a woman 11 years ago.
They had not had sex since Noeleena came out and her reason for the operation was "definitely not sexual", she said.
Noeleena accepts the couple's marriage may not last much longer.
"Joss has been supportive, because you've got to remember we've been married for 33 years," Noeleena said.
"But with this female coming out, that's a bombshell. We're just working it out quietly, just taking our time with it. We'll see what happens from here."
Jocelyn said the couple's three children had all reacted differently to Noeleena's decision to live as a woman.
Their eldest son was uncomfortable with the decision, but Noeleena would never force them to accept her decision, Jocelyn said.
The majority of Waimate residents, however, were accepting of Noeleena's sex swap.
"Most of the people in Waimate have known me for over 12 years, and they just accept me.
"I'd say 97 per cent of the people I deal with are okay with it.
"Some have said they don't understand, and that's fairly normal. But they just get on with life.
"Actually most people [in Waimate] seem disgusted by the people who are not willing to just keep their cool, keep their mouth shut and just get on with life."
Noeleena knew of five people in Waimate who were unwilling to accept her. "I know there's five people here that I've had association with that couldn't handle it. There's those who can't understand and those who can't handle it. But that's okay, they've probably got enough of their own problems to deal with anyway.
"It doesn't bug me if they can't handle it."
Noeleena will often warn people to expect something different next time she meets them.
"I've been trying to pre-emptively let people know what's happened with me. I might go see them in men's clothing and then tell them the next time you see me something will be different."
Noeleena was unable to openly discuss her female tendencies in the past because bringing such a subject up was considered unthinkable.
"Here in New Zealand we had problems because its been covered up and sort of hidden away. You're basically told from a young age - you go to school, you leave school you get a job, you get married, you have children, you buy a car and a house and you settle down and get involved with your community.
"The biggest problem over the last 49 years for me would've been - I don't want to talk to anyone because I didn't know if I'd be accepted into the community.
"It's likely you just wouldn't be accepted and you dare not show any of the female side of you.
"You just have to sit on what you know because you don't have anyone to talk to about it. But one day you know it's all going to come out and something's going to happen."
Now, after Noeleena's own confusing 40-year struggle to come out as a female, she hopes to advise others.
She is involved with a number of organisations which offer guidance to transgender people.
"I'm involved with an organisation called Rainbow Families, which is a group of lesbians with children.
"I'm also involved in the Human Rights Commission. They want to know the concerns of some of those within the transgender community, mainly in this particular case those that are transfemale.
"They wanted to know specifically what their concerns are, so I've gone down that line to help them out."
- Oamaru Mail
