KEY POINTS:
New Zealand's most famous citizens are listed as director Peter Jackson and actor Russell Crowe.
New Zealand is portrayed as one big film location inhabited by extras and film set workers in a recently released "atlas" titled Our Dumb World.
Published by The Onion, a United States "fake news" organisation that specialises in putting a macabre twist on current events, the atlas describes New Zealand as "a world where nothing is what it seems".
"From rugged prairies to rugged mountains to rugged extras, New Zealand has all the locations and personnel required for a major Hollywood blockbuster, and if they do not have it they will simply create it in post[ - production]".
New Zealand has two islands, the atlas states, "though focus groups have indicated there is a market for a third".
The first island houses film studios, aircraft-hangar-sized special effects sets and crew trailers.
The second island is a holding area and parking lot for equipment trucks.
New Zealanders are ideal for casting in primary and secondary roles, it says.
"In addition, New Zealand contains a large indigenous population called the Maori, who are perfect for lighting, rigging, carpentry, or any stunts calling for an actor to be set on fire."
At least it got one thing right, noting that New Zealanders hate being mistaken for Australians.
Under culture, it says it is "customary to exchange headshots" when meeting a New Zealander.
Mocked-up photos show hills with giant letters spelling out NEW ZEALAND plastered across them, in the same way HOLLYWOOD decorates the hills of Los Angeles.
New Zealand, whose most famous citizens are listed as director Peter Jackson and actor Russell Crowe, gets off lightly in comparison with others. Samoa is portrayed as being inhabited by "the morbidly obese", and Papua New Guinea "a dangerous place to have a neck", as it is full of savage headhunters.
Australia has "fallen prey to a deadly scourge of nature shows, with dozens of endemic species being poked, prodded, and bothered to the point of extinction".
Australia was set up as a penal colony by the pasty English, who considered "sunshine and warm weather" as the harshest punishment there was.
The Netherlands were home to drug use, prostitution and "unlicensed bicycling".
And the United States? "Founded in 1776 on the principles of life, liberty, and the reckless pursuit of happiness at any cost - even life and liberty."
Our Dumb World was published in paperback in October.
- NZPA
