Abused, neglected, and illiterate as a child, a key player in a major Waikato drug bust penned a poem to his sentencing judge outlining the troubles he was battling.
"Inside is a boy battling his past," Alan McQuade wrote in the note written sometime before his sentencing in the High Court at Hamilton today.
The 48-year-old was deemed one of the higher players in the methamphetamine manufacturing and distribution ring Waikato police investigated and dubbed Operation Kingsville.
They arrested 29 people around Waikato, Auckland and Bay of Plenty and recovered property, vehicles, jewellery and cash valued at more than $1 million as well as nearly $200,000 in cash, stolen property, methamphetamine, other drugs, and firearms, including loaded firearms.
After searching the Morrinsville property connected to McQuade, the National Clandestine Laboratory Unit described it as the biggest bust for the 2018 year in New Zealand.
After discovering and later searching the Horrell Rd property in late October 2018, investigators found a large amount of McQuade's DNA on a respirator inside a secret room complete with false walls and fittings.
In late December 2019, Waikato police then launched Operation Kingsville focussing on McQuade and slowly uncovering the core group of associates involved in the lucrative drug dealing business.
While 48-year-old McQuade had a previous conviction for methamphetamine offending - for which he was jailed for 14 years in 2008, his lawyer Simon Lance told Justice Ian Gault sentencing procedures had changed since his client was last in the high court and there were now the capabilities to delve inside an offender's background.
Lance said McQuade's offending was not purely for commercial gain, rather born out of the despair felt after his father's death in 2017.
He had been three years out of prison and getting on with life, and also his father who he had finally been back in touch with. His death sent him on a downward spiral.
Addiction was a contentious issue between Lance and crown prosecutor Jacinda Hamilton and how much discount, if any, should be given for it.
Lance argued there should be as his client had a long-standing one.
"It's a matter of common sense and logic that someone with the awful upbringing that he has had, not being nurtured, not being supported, subjected to abuse both mentally and sexual ... [to] turn to that outlet valve to make things better in his own mend."
But Hamilton argued McQuade had a "circuit breaker" period after being released from prison in 2014 and he managed to continue on with his life in both business and family, relatively well.
Lance responded that his client may have appeared to have been doing well but he was battling inside.
He was still dealing with trauma from his youth, including at school when he was often put at the back of the class and "referred to as the ugly kid".
"It's not surprising that people who have had that deprivation turn to drugs as an outlet vale or an escape."
Justice Gault acknowledged McQuade's poem of his childhood in which he wrote how his parents had a dysfunctional and violent relationship. His father left when he was 4, before moving back in with him and his stepmother when he was aged 7.
His father was never home and his stepmother beat him.
"At 12 you left to live with his third wife who was even worse. You were using drugs and alcohol."
He stayed with a family friend in Whangamatā who encouraged drinking alcohol and cannabis use.
He then began using cannabis.
By 19, he had tried methamphetamine and became a regular user a short time later.
Justice Gault said McQuade was neglected by his father who failed to intervene in his stepmother's abuse and allowed to him use drugs and alcohol without boundaries.
After leaving school aged 12, he only properly learned to read and write in prison 20 years later, and now used "expressive writing as an outlet".
An alcohol and drug report revealed although he stopped drinking at 23, he continued to use P "as an escape" and between half a gram and 3g to 4g daily.
That continued until he was arrested in 2006 and ultimately jailed in 2008.
Given there were issues that overlapped his upbringing, Justice Gault found the offending was at least partly financially motivated and not necessarily limited to the ability to fund his addiction. He issued a combined discount of 25 per cent.
A Section 27 Cultural Report found it had only been recently McQuade was able to articulate his childhood trauma, and Justice Gault found he was committed to turning his life around.
"It's not too late," the judge told McQuade. "You have positive, loving family relationships and want to be a good father ... you have encouraging letters of support. You are intelligent and have a strong work ethic along with insight into your behaviour."
A pre-sentence report found he had "good prospects" of rehabilitation.
However, the judge declined to issue any further discount for being confined to his cell 23 out of 24 hours each day because of the current Covid-19 restrictions.
"Whether and how long that continues depends on Covid and does not warrant a discreet discount," he said.
In February, McQuade accepted a sentence indication on charges of manufacturing methamphetamine, supplying methamphetamine, participating in an organised criminal group, and unlawful possession of materials for the manufacture of P.
After taking a starting point of 10 years, Justice Gault applied various discounts resulting in an end sentence of five years and three months' jail.
He also ordered McQuade serve a 40 per cent minimum term of imprisonment before he is eligible for parole.
The 19-year-old disappeared without her wallet or mobile phone.