"It's just at that point where your GP goes, is there anything else? And you sit there and you're like 'I can pretend that there's not or I can say the thing'. And I was looking at her and I was like 'listen, I can't get a tampon in, it's not doing the thing'."
J said her doctor immediately referred her to pelvic floor physio, something she is grateful for as she said many do not get such swift support.
She told the podcast there are several types of treatments for vaginismus and her physio recommended she start dilator therapy.
"I like to think of dilators as the unsexy version of the dildo. It's like a spherical device and they come in a bunch of different shapes."
J said dilators work by helping desensitising the pelvic floor and vaginal muscles, while letting your brain know penetration is okay.
"The muscles aren't necessarily inherently tight, but it's that when you realise penetration is about to happen you cramp up and it makes it that much more painful."
Having the condition, J said, also opened her eyes to what actually constitutes sex and how "narrow-minded" previous conceptions of sex have been.
"More people are coming around to accepting that virginity truly is this arbitrary social construct. At the end of the day, you yourself, whoever you are have to sit there and go, 'do I feel like a virgin?' And if the answer is no, then you're not.
"So many people with all kinds of bodies, for all different reasons, don't have penetrative sex. I don't have it because I physically cannot, other people choose not to have it, other people it's a sexuality thing for them."
While vaginismus is thought of as a sexual dysfunction, J said it impacts "much more" than just sex, including what menstrual devices she can use and what medical examinations she can have.
"I want to be able to get my check-ups, and I want to make sure I know what's going on with me with health issues and I need to be able to have something up me for that unfortunately."
On a relationship level, J said she has told people outright about her condition and although every time she's afraid they'll lose interest or walk away, no one has done so.
"Just because you have some kind of physical or sexual dysfunction does not mean people are gonna be dickheads about it."
By sharing her story J wants others to know that they are not alone and so that others with the condition don't have to explain themselves over and over again.
"I'd love to get to a point where someone with vaginismus meets someone else and they go 'hey by the way I have vaginismus' and someone else says, 'say less, I've got this, I already know what you're going to say'."
You can listen to the full interview here:
What is vaginismus?
• Vaginismus is a medical condition where the vagina tightens up suddenly when you
try insert something into it, making sex and using tampons difficult.
• Between 5 per cent and 17 per cent of women will experience the condition at some stage.
• The condition can present in two ways: Primary: full penetrative intercourse will seem physically impossible, despite repeated attempts. Secondary: unexplained and ongoing
sexual tightness, where there may have been a previous history of penetrative sex.
• It can be treated with physical and mental therapy as well as surgical options.
