Triplets big bundles of joy, joy, joy

By REBECCA WALSH

They are the star attraction as soon as they walk out the door. Three little dark-haired girls, identical to the eyes of strangers.

But for their mother, Jacqueline Samaratunga, stepping outside the house with 2 1/2-year-old triplets Chloe, Roselle and Chanel, can feel like becoming public property. People she has never met feel free to ask if the girls were conceived naturally or through fertility treatment.

Other families with twins and triplets tell similar tales. Massey woman Joanne Rose sometimes feels her family are a freak show. During her triplets' first shopping centre trip, people kept pulling up the pushchair cover to take a peek at the infants.

But her partner, Graem Pyne, loves the attention the girls, now 13 months old, attract.

"It's a buzz ... Going to the butcher with these three little girls and the old lady opens the door for you. That's quite funny."

Next week is Multiple Birth Awareness Week - figures show the number of multiple births in New Zealand has increased nearly 20 per cent in the past five years. Last year there were 885 multiple births out of a total 54,916.

Researchers put the increase down to delayed child bearing and use of fertility treatments. As women start families later, many are having to use fertility treatments to get pregnant. Also, older women are naturally more likely to naturally have multiple births.

But adjusting to twins, triplets or even more babies is hard work. They have to be fed, bathed, placated and entertained. Taking one child to the supermarket can be hard enough, but three is near impossible on your own.

However, parents say it's all worthwhile and too often the focus is on the negative. Their children have a built-in playmate and friend. While they can be fiercely competitive, they often have an intensely close bond not found among siblings of different ages.

Gladys Billing, president of the Multiple Birth Association, a parent support group which has about 50 clubs and contact people around the country, says parents of multiples can face extra stresses.

Often the babies are premature and are in hospital for weeks or months before going home.

She says American research shows a multiple birth heightens the risk of psycho-social problems such as post-natal depression, alcohol and drug problems and marital dysfunction.

Mrs Billing, a twin and the mother of seven-year-old twins, says the problems stem from prolonged isolation because of the difficulty of getting out, excessive tiredness, financial strain and parents not having time for their own relationships.

Jacqueline Samaratunga knows the difficulties first hand. When the 37-year-old Glendene woman learned she was carrying triplets, she and husband Rohan were overjoyed.

After losing a baby boy, Mrs Samaratunga had turned to ovarian stimulation treatment.

But her happiness soon was overwhelmed by fear and, 16 weeks into her pregnancy, she was being treated for antenatal depression and was confined to bed for medical reasons.

"It was just that I couldn't handle being a mother to three babies," she said. "I was frightened I might not be able to cope. I was on an emotional rollercoaster."

The girls, born by caesarean at 35 weeks, each weighed 1.96kg (4.5 pounds) and were ready to go home after five days. But their mother was not.

The hospital stay lasted four weeks, and it took Mrs Samaratunga three months to come to terms with the babies and regain confidence in her ability as a mother.

Not having immediate family in New Zealand compounded the couple's difficulties.

More than two years later, Mrs Samaratunga describes the experience as "nothing short of a miracle" and says her three girls are an absolute joy.

For older siblings, the arrival of two or more babies means change, and some resent what feels like a loss of parental attention.

Mrs Samaratunga says her son, Sash, now 10, copes admirably. He enjoys his younger sisters, provided they keep out of his bedroom, and is a big help with everyday chores.

As for multiple-birth children, parents can find it difficult to give their children the one-to-one attention each needs. As they grow up, twins and triplets can struggle with not being treated as individuals.

Mrs Samaratunga says the triplets, who are not identical, have different personalities.

"The youngest one is rather hyperactive. Within half an hour of me having them, she was very alert and had her eyes open. The other two weren't quite sure if they had arrived."

Now she is the one more prone to tantrums in the hope of attention.

Canterbury University doctoral student, Mercedes Sheen, is a twin and remembers her sister's arguments with other students at high school sometimes being taken out on her because people saw them as one and the same.

The 34-year-old is now studying what she calls twins' disputed memories, where twins both remember a situation or event, but believe it happened to them, not their twin.

Nearly 80 per cent of the 60 sets of twins she interviewed could remember specific examples where their lives had become so enmeshed they found it difficult to separate their past.

WHERE TO GO FOR HELP

Help is available for parents who have multiple births through the Winz Home Help programme. The assistance is not income or asset tested and parents can choose how to use it. For example, they might opt to have a night nanny come in twice a week for the first three months.

* Parents of twins who have another child under 5 can receive up to 240 hours' home help for the first year. Parents with twins, who don't have another child under 5, can apply if they face an emergency.

* Parents of triplets, or more, are entitled to 1560 hours' help over two years. There does not need to be another child under 5 to qualify. The home help may come from an agency, district health board or be self-employed. To apply for help, parents must provide proof of birth and complete an application form available from a Winz service centre.

* Contact a support group such as the Multiple Birth Association to see what practical help is available, from Government assistance and antenatal classes to toy libraries.

* Accept offers of help from extended family and friends. They may be able to take older children out for an afternoon, cook a meal or help with washing.

* Try to make sure siblings receive equal amounts of attention.

* Expect your life to change dramatically.

* To contact the NZMBA call 0800 4 TWINS ETC.

Further reading
nzherald.co.nz/health