Treat failed romances tactfully

What should other workmates do when an office romance bites the dust? DR MARIE WILSON, head of management and employment relations at the University of Auckland Business School and a veteran of 20 years in corporate management and small business, offers some helpful ideas.

Two colleagues of mine met on the job and shacked up together.

It's all been OK for the last few years but one is itching to get away on the "overseas experience", while the other is more inclined to home, hearth and kids.

Those of us who work and socialise with them are a bit nervous about being caught up in a possible storm.

The amount of time we spend at work means it's no longer unusual for partners to meet and form relationships at work.

Despite this, we have few models of good employment other than avoiding conflicts of interest where one partner supervises the other.

In a small workplace, where colleagues are also after-hours friends, this is even more problematic.

In tackling the situation you describe, you need to first realise that the tension between nesting and roaming is common in relationships and doesn't necessarily foretell a storm at the office.

In this particular storm, one person would presumably be leaving anyway, which although traumatic is less so than a continuing work relationship after a relationship break-up.

If the disagreement you expect does arise, then proceed as you would with any workplace dispute. As friends, give them support, without taking sides, on resolving their relationship differences.

As co-workers, be careful not to take sides and increase the effect of any dispute As an employer, you can expect - and should insist on - good performance and professional interaction regardless of interpersonal difficulties.

My partner, once a university teacher now in the commercial world, has been invited back to his old university to teach part-time.

He's dying to do it, says he can do the prep in his free time, and reckons he can keep it from impingeing on work, but is worried that his boss will veto the move, because the teaching is during the working day.

How might he best approach this?

The first step in trying to influence a decision is trying to figure out the benefits for the person you are trying to convince. What is it about the teaching that will help the business?

Perhaps it will enhance company reputation by presenting a representative as an expert to the students and staff involved.

Other benefits may include the fact that your partner will have to update and consolidate his knowledge to teach effectively, will refresh his networks at the university, or have a good look at potential recruits to the company.

He may be able to think of others, but these should be thought through so that he can introduce them to the discussion.

The second step is trying to anticipate objections. Why does he think his boss will veto it? Time away? Loss of focus? Afraid he will return to the university?

Just as important as selling the idea is recognising that the other person may have very good reasons to say no.

Your partner should also try to figure these out and try to address them.

Can he make up the time, and increase his effectiveness or accessibility in other ways?

Finally, when presenting the idea, he should try to draw out any other objections and work to address these as well.

If he can present the benefits, while addressing the costs, it is very difficult to justify saying no.

* E-mail questions to our Career Editor, Julie Middleton.