Vicki Pomeroy sits amid the wreckage of her home after it was hit by a landslip during Cyclone Gabrielle. Photo / George Heard
OPINION
Last Tuesday, I watched the rolling media coverage of Cyclone Gabrielle in shock.
Minute by minute, I saw images of the region I grew up in, Hawke’s Bay, swallowed by the ferocious floods.
Sitting in the comfort of my Wellington office, I called my Dad, who lives in rural Central Hawke’s Bay.
Although I was grateful to reach him, I felt helpless.
The rivers near his house were rising and he was preparing to evacuate. Friends were leaving their homes as water lapped at their doors.
My overwhelming feeling was one of disbelief. In the days since, many of my counselling clients have described the very same feeling.
When humans are faced with chaos, we naturally try to make sense of what happened. A disaster on the scale of Cyclone Gabrielle is traumatic.
For many of us, the intensity of this weather event was far larger than what we thought was possible. A disaster can shatter our assumptions about the world – and how safe we are in it.
For someone who is deeply affected, it may feel like the floods destroyed not only their home or livelihood, but also the foundations of their life: Routine, safety, security, and community.
After a disaster like Cyclone Gabrielle, it’s natural to ask questions like: “Why did this happen? Did I make the right choices? Will life ever feel normal again? What should I do now? How come I survived?”
Many Kiwis do not live in the affected areas, but we watched the media coverage from afar – and we know friends or family who are in pain.
Even if you weren’t caught up in the cyclone, it’s okay to feel unsettled by the week’s events. Some of our questions can’t be answered – and that’s okay. There is no quick fix.
The path towards healing begins with recognising your emotions, and allowing yourself to feel them.
This does not mean you have to spend a few hours crying on the couch.
It can be as simple as taking two minutes to identify what you are feeling, and acknowledge those feelings without self-judgement or guilt.
There are no right or wrong emotional responses to an event like this.
Two people can face the same situation and respond very differently, and that’s fine.
Being kind to yourself is key.
Those who escape a disaster relatively unscathed can sometimes experience “survivor’s guilt”.
However, it is simply not your fault that your neighbour’s house was ruined, and yours wasn’t. Or that you survived, and someone you know did not.
It may sound silly, but it’s worth reminding yourself that you did not cause these events – and you are not responsible for the uneven or unfair spread of consequences.
In the coming weeks, while power is restored and debris is cleared away, some people’s grief will remain.
As humans, it is important that our grief is witnessed by others. We need our community to stand with us and recognise our pain.
As a country, we have an opportunity to support those in the affected regions by recognising what they are going through, and reminding them that we can see them – especially in the weeks and even months after the cyclone is over.
If you’re supporting someone whose world has been turned upside down by Cyclone Gabrielle, the most powerful thing you can do is to remind them that one day, they will feel safe again.
- Tommy Livingston is a Wellington-based counsellor and a former journalist.
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