Turns out the scandal around MP Chris Hipkins' emails getting intercepted by Parliamentary Services is just the tip of the gelato. An overzealous firewall encryption created a wormhole within the kernel-hardened buffer-overflow, which was promptly exploited by fugitive hacker Lambshank while using the Eft-pos at Bellamy's. The results: a trove of emails from Labour leader Andrew Little's inbox. Herewith, the highlights.
From Andrew Little:
Dear Mr Little, I am writing to you as the chief of staff in the Labour leader's office, a position I am filling in an interim capacity following Matt McCarten's completely strategically planned unexpected relocation to Auckland. It has come to my attention that a TVNZ poll is about to be published, which is pretty shithouse as far as we're concerned, and requires a response underlining our comparatively benign internal polling. I am copying in the chief press secretary for thoughts. Warmest regards.
From Shane Jones:
Relax! The exalted disquisitions and lofty perorations that circulate over Jonesy's putative perambulation towards the Winstonian waka are but hollow hypothecations, e hoa! You have no cause to fear, for when the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea, etcetera. True about the book, though, going to be a bloody cracker.
From Annette King:
I'm not saying we're falling short, simply that a troop of woolly grey lemurs on the opposition benches would've had Nick Smith sacked by now. Have fun in Canada. Would love a Justin Trudeau trinket, signed ideally.
From Andrew Little:
In answer to the CoS's note about this TVNZ poll, here are my thoughts in my role as acting chief press secretary to the leader of the Labour Party. We can't call it "shithouse", that won't play with middle New Zealand. Suggest eg sham, bogus, codswallop, lamestream, sheeple, clickbait, hocus pocus, criminal, treasonous, a basket of deplorables, or similar. They say don't pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel but according to our data team TVNZ don't have a print product. Let's go with "bogus".