As a new year dawns, find one thing that can change your life for the better. Photo / Wendy Muir.
By Eleanor Black
Ah, January. The sun is bright, the beach is calling and the new year lies ahead of us, heavy with promise.
This is resolution season, but for most people, past experience suggests there is little point messing around with that sort of self-flagellation. Who actually keeps their New Year's resolutions? People living the kind of blessed existences that hardly call for improvement in the first place, that's who.
Still, it is nice to flirt with the idea of change. To avoid the whole hope-failure-disgust cycle, we asked a range of experts: what is one thing anyone can do to improve their life in 2020?
NUTRITION: Make it harder to access treat foods
It's a common trap: we make grand promises about healthy eating, but we don't change the way we organise our food, making it incredibly difficult to stick to a healthy plan.
"2020 should not be about more willpower," says nutritionist Claire Turnbull. "Willpower is a limited resource that runs out by about Wednesday afternoon. Change your food environment. Put chocolate in the garage, don't chill beers or wine unless you have people coming over and plan to serve them, put biscuits out of reach so you have to get a chair to access them.
"We are actually lazy by nature, and we can use that to our advantage. Cut up carrots, celery and broccoli and keep it in a clear container in the front of the fridge. If you are going to mindlessly eat something, you will gravitate to that. Keep chilled water and kombucha in the fridge, so it's easy to access."
FINANCES: Think before you spend
This is the season of good deals and virtual steals, but before you lay down your hard-earned money, you should always ask yourself if you are putting it to best use. Just how much value will you extract from that crockpot/scented candle/throw pillow?
"Do I really need it, can I get better value elsewhere, and do I need to buy new versus second hand?" asks financial consultant Lisa Dudson.
"In my experience, many people are not conscious of how they spend their money. Becoming more aware and paying attention enables you to make smarter financial decisions. After all, each dollar counts, especially when you look at it over a long period.
"There is a very good reason why Albert Einstein said that compounding interest was the eighth wonder of the world."
CAREER: Is my job a 10?
A lot of people take the temperature of their career at this time of year. Career coach Allison Fisher says the first question to ask should be, "Is my job a 10/10?
"A rating of 10 means that for the majority of the time, you can say, 'I really enjoy my job, get a lot out of it and can't see myself leaving for a while,'" she explains. "An 8 or 9 is fine too, but if your rating is a 5 then further questions need to be asked.
"Life is short, so having just an okay job isn't good enough," says Fisher. "There may be valid reasons not to make change right now - for instance, you've just had a really difficult personal time, or this role makes it possible for you to study. Otherwise find some support to help make the change to a 10."
FAMILY: Invest time
Sure, your children wanted a shedload of stuff for Christmas. They are not silly, they can smell an opportunity. But more than anything, what children want is time spent with their most loved adults, says Michele Morrisey-Brown, head teacher at Uplands Kindergarten in Auckland.
"Time for a hug, a kiss, time for a book, time for sitting on the steps and watching them play, time for smiling at each other, time to lie under a tree and have them climb over you, time for a cuddle, time to say I love you, time to be in love with them," she says. "Time to have no outcome or purpose other than to be present. Time to catch their eye and give a thumbs up, time to twirl them around, time to create happy memories.
"The pay-off in later years is, in my experience, indescribably joyous. Not only do we all remember those times, we shared them and no one can take that away."
ADVENTURE: Find it in your backyard
You don't need to go far or make a massive effort to have an adventure. Michelle Morpeth from Outdoorsy New Zealand, set up to inspire mothers to gather their kids and get outside, says you can build excursions into everyday life.
"Research local places you could visit such as waterfalls, walking trails, rivers, beaches, caves and parks, make a list and put it on your fridge," she suggests. "Then prioritise ticking one thing off every week."
Consider taking your breakfast or dinner to a park or beach once or twice a week. And make it easy to take spontaneous trips, by keeping a box in the back of your car stocked with swimming gear, changes of clothing, water and snacks.
RELATIONSHIPS: Think about where your partner is coming from
Healthy relationships help us weather the storms of life, protecting us from stress, improving our sense of wellbeing and making us more resilient, says Dr Anna Martin, a child, adolescent and couples therapist.
They need nurturing, and in times of conflict, that might mean trying to understand where your partner is coming from, even if they seem to be totally off-base.
"We all too often respond using defence mechanisms, which are adopted for self-protection and to defend our own hurt, sadness and vulnerabilities," Martin explains. She suggests we slow down in times of conflict and be "mindful of our partner's journey".
"In other words, identify with their humanness and harness empathic attunement. Validate their vulnerabilities using kindness and tolerance. This increases feelings of safety, intimacy and connection, and models compassion."
WELLBEING: Be honest about what you want
"Say what you want," declares business mentor Natalie Cutler-Welsh, a straight-talking mother-of-three. "This has become part of the intentional culture in my family and my business and it's been a game-changer, both for clear communication and happiness.
"So often people - women especially - put their wants last or do what we think we should do, or what we said we would do, instead of what we actually want to do."
Cutler-Welsh says that can lead to a life spent in "the frustration zone". "The key to happiness lies in saying what you actually want and then taking the actions to make it happen."
CULTURE: Read
Reading changes lives, especially if you are reading really interesting, challenging material. Bookseller, writer and reviewer Kiran Dass recommends two books to get 2020 off to a great start.
She suggests The School of Life: An Emotional Education by Alain de Botton (Hamish Hamilton, $38) "for anyone wanting to learn about that old chestnut emotional intelligence". It provides advice on how to have better conversations and how to say no. But she saves her deepest praise for the "seriously extraordinary" The Years by the French writer Annie Ernaux (Seven Stories Press, $40), which she says is the best thing she read in 2019.
"It's a radical approach to memoir and is just this majestic collective biography where autofiction, sociology, history and biography intersect. Ernaux writes about her life beginning in 1940s Normandy and zooms right through the decades, including the history of the world along the way. Essentially, it's a sweeping work of reportage and is generous and inclusive. I've never read anything like it before."
ENVIRONMENT: Talk about climate change
Climate scientist James Renwick says there are basic steps you can take to live a more sustainable lifestyle, that when combined with all the steps your neighbours are taking, will make a difference. Make sure your house is well insulated, put solar panels on the roof, think before you jump on a plane, choose public transport over car travel.
But if you do just one thing in 2020, make it this: "Talk about climate change and the climate emergency. Make it normal in your house to speak about what's happening with the climate. Let your MPs and local government representatives know you want action."
HOME: Let go of the stuff
This may be cruel to mention, having just passed through the Christmas accumulation process, but one quick way to improve your life is to get rid of stuff you don't need.
Natalie Jane of Be Organised says the benefits of living with less are "endless" but include reducing the time spent cleaning, which leaves time and energy for other pursuits.
"Clinging on to possessions causes stress as we then become frightened of losing them," says Jane. "But by letting go, you gain so much more. Simplify your life by living with the things you do need, which in turn will create the space and peace in your life that you've been looking for."
The 19-year-old disappeared without her wallet or mobile phone.