The good oil: Any advance on $90, m'lud?

The Good Oil was fined $150 for driving in a bus lane. Photo / Glenn Jeffrey

The Good Oil got clobbered for driving in a bus lane. Went to court, told the judge bus lanes were evil, the work of people on the road to perdition. Judge retired for cuppa, came back, dismissed Good Oil's dodgy defence, and fined him $90. Judge's helper piped up and reminded judge that the maximum fine was $150, not $90. Judge duly amended fine: "$150 and $30 costs," he said. Good Oil's turn to pipe up. "What about the woman before me, Your Honour - you fined her $90 for the same offence." Judge, his magisterial tone showing a hint of impatience, said that fine would also be changed.

Recipe for merging mayhem

The Good Oil ambled up to a traffic cop parked outside the Langham Hotel, opposite Grafton Bridge. Asked what he thought of the latest bus-lane abomination, at the intersection of K' Rd and Symonds St. Picture the scene: You are parked at the lights in one of two regular lanes on Symonds St. Bus lane, as usual, on your inside. Grafton Bridge is on your right, K' Rd on your left. Light turns green and, within metres, on the other side of the intersection, the two regular lanes become one - to make way for a wider bus lane that dominates the road. And on a bend, too. Traffic trying to "merge like a zip" backs up across the intersection. It's a hazard - the people who okayed it should be locked up for being stupid. Cop's advice? Just quietly, he reckons it's dangerous. "Go to court," he says, if you get tangled up in a ding.

Smash the system

That was reader Jen's advice, too, along the lines of something Wellington reader Jamie said last year. "If everyone who receives a bus-lane fine was to go to court, it would tie up the courts for the next 20 years or so. This would be a fantastic exercise in civil obedience, using the very rules city and government bureaucrats have themselves put in place." Imagine it, the line of people clutching bus-lane blueys would stretch from the District Court in Albert St to Party Central, long after the Rugby World Cup is over. PS: See www.buslanes.com for a defence strategy.

Wham! George's new smash hit

A US gossip magazine has named pop star George Michael the "Worst Celebrity Driver Ever". Michael drove into a building in London soon after getting his licence back from his last run-in with the law. Michael, 47, crashed into a photo-developing shop after a gay-pride march. He apologised to fans and asked them to picture him in a new light. In 2007, Michael was found to be under the influence of drugs in his Range Rover - parked with the engine running in the middle of a London intersection.

Fork in divorce road avoided

Electric carmaker Tesla Motors co-founder Elon Musk is now blogging about his contentious divorce. Musk said he wanted to "correct the record" on his personal life, but would "rather stick a fork in my hand". He writes: "Much as one may wish for privacy, in the 21st century it just doesn't exist." Musk's estranged wife and author of supernatural thrillers, Justine Musk, is seeking 10 per cent of her husband's stake in the carmaker in a divorce case that has gone on for two years.

Spit-roasted drivers take leave

Fifty-one bus drivers in New York took 3200 days of paid leave last year to "heal" after being spat on by passengers, the New York Times reports. A Transport Workers Union official called spitting a "physically and psychologically traumatic" experience that required "recuperation".

alastair.sloane@nzherald.co.nz