Great-nephew Alex Teio, nephew Paul Teio and niece Annie Bourke at the grave of their aunt, Sameme Fred. Photo / Cherie Howie
Sameme Fred's family just wanted to say goodbye with dignity.
But when they arrived at Auckland Council-managed Manukau Memorial Gardens in late January to bury their adored elderly aunty, they discovered cemetery staff had dug the wrong plot.
To add to their distress, the mistakenly opened plot was already the final resting place of Fred's sister.
And then cemetery staff told the distraught family they would have to pay another $1100 for the correct grave to be dug.
They want answers.
Paul Teio is Fred's nephew, and his late mother, Sui Fred, is buried in the plot that was mistakenly dug. It backs onto the correct plot.
His sister - who is to be buried in the same plot as her mother, as per their mother's dying wishes - was so distraught she immediately left the cemetery, Teio said.
"We were angry as, because that's mum's and the only time we want that grave dug is when my sister's ready ... and we were upset because it was a very important time for us to say goodbye to our loved one and to have it messed up like this, and then to have the audacity to ask us to pay again.
"I've said to the staff 'you're lucky we're not Black Power or Mongrel Mob, you're lucky we're a very calm family'."
A short service took place over the incorrect plot, but Fred's coffin was not interred until the correct grave - a shared plot with her mother - was dug more than an hour later.
That meant many family members missed the final part of Fred's farewell, Teio said.
"I've tried to laugh about it, because otherwise I would've bawled my eyes out ... I don't want another family to go through the emotional trauma that my family went through."
The family had been refunded the cost of the plot and received an apology.
Auckland Cemeteries manager Catherine Moore said they had unreservedly apologised to a family for any upset and inconvenience caused by a mistake made at a burial in January.
"While we have not obtained permission from the plot holder to discuss specific details of the burial, as soon as we were notified of the error by the family at the time, we corrected it immediately and have offered a full refund of the burial fees."
Steps had been taken to ensure similar mistakes did not occur again, including working with the staff involved and addressing any issues with the process. Extra checks have also been added to make sure plots are identified properly.
The incident follows one in November in which two burials were booked 15 minutes and about 15 metres apart from each other at the small Papakura South Cemetery.
In January, when the incident was reported in the Herald, funeral directors said it was one of numerous problems with Auckland cemeteries, including instances of holes not being dug for planned burials.
Moore said at the time six to 10 mistakes occurred each year, out of about 2000 burials across 30 cemeteries.
Manurewa-Papakura councillor Daniel Newman has met with Fred's family and said it was essential the council were "competent, culturally safe and compassionate".
"A funeral can only be performed once."
Fred never married or had children but, following the traditions of family who are Tongan, two of her nieces were her "cultural daughters".
One is Ivy Bates. Almost eight weeks after the plot mix-up, she is still struggling to come to terms with the fact she was not there when Fred's coffin was lowered.
She had left the cemetery to host guests at the wake, and support elderly relatives who were whisked away from the distressing graveside scenes.
All missed the chance to take part in the final rituals of saying goodbye.
"I'm upset that so many people I love have been caused so much emotional upset. Healing comes from being with your loved one until the end, that's why you have this process. That's how we as human beings move on to the next stage."
She wanted those in charge of the cemetery to remember that how they did their job mattered.
"They are not just taking care of lawns and gardens. This is a people industry, and it's people at their most vulnerable."
'He has disregarded our voice and continued with this divisive kaupapa.'