The 2015 Budget is a financial and political masterstroke.
Bill English is a master politician, and he is an even better Finance Minister.
Never was this more apparent than in yesterday's Budget, except perhaps for the time he led National to a whopping 21 per cent of the vote in the 2002 General Election - 425,000 votes.
That's more than one in five people. That's a lot. That's more people than have cancer.
But I digress.
Anyone who had been eagerly awaiting Budget day this week knew that Bill English would do as he always does, and pull a magnificent rabbit out of the hat, working such fiscal magic as he had in Budgets of previous years, such as his 2009 Budget, his 2010 Budget, his 2011 Budget, the aptly named 2012 Budget, as well as the 2013 and 2014 Budgets, just to name a few.
But no one quite expected that Budget 2015 - as it has been dubbed in the media - would hold his greatest achievement yet.
English's decision to wait until the final moment to reveal to the nation a surprise surplus was a political masterstroke.
For months, a cloud of negativity had hung over the Government, and as the Finance Minister was assailed from all sides by cynical pundits and forecasters, he appeared to concede to them, walking back any talk of a potential surplus this year, while the Prime Minister likened the task to landing a commercial jet on the eye of the head of a camel, which is actually quite dangerous, and against CAA regulations.
But it was all a great ruse.
After six years of selling state assets, increasing GST, cutting funding to student allowances and other state services, the dream had finally been realised. The Government had run a surplus totalling 13c, money that could now be spent on something actually useful.
The political left was blindsided. They didn't know what to do, or how to react. All their talking points for Budget day had been written entirely with the assumption there wouldbe no surplus, and yet there itwas, plain as day.
They fumbled over their words, stuttered in front of cameras on the national stage.
They watched their entire world view melt before their eyes, as they realised - for the first time - that global warming was probably a hoax.
This truly is the greatest Budget ever.
For years, Labour has argued that selling state houses will leave people worse off, that selling state assets will rob New Zealanders of a stake in their economic future, or that increasing taxes like GST will harm the poorest.
But these arguments aren't valid any more, because now there is something to show for all of that. Now we have 13c.
Ben Uffindell is The Civilian. Go to thecivilian.co.nz for more humour.
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