That Guy: When writing becomes a painful experience

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Opinion

There is an old saying that builders use that goes: "Measure twice - but cut once."

The modern meaning is obvious, and clearly has everything to do with the building or carpentry trade but it doesn't take a genius or scholar of ancient language, like myself, to know that the expression is bound to have originated in biblical times when a holy man or medical practitioner was about to conduct a circumcision.

It's one of those expressions that says what it means. It's not a metaphor, parable or riddle.

In other words, if I was about to be circumcised, I would like the person who is doing the circumcision to measure twice and cut once, as opposed to him or her measuring once and cutting twice or, in a worst-case scenario, measuring once, cutting just the once but having to stitch a little back on.

The point of all this is that language is fascinating, but it must be used correctly to be effective. Often modern technology makes that harder.

Our reliance on computers and spell-checking can often make us seem less literate, as I found out first-hand when writing an essay a number of years ago about a team from National Geographic attempting to circumnavigate the world in a hot-air balloon.

Little did I know that I had spelled circumnavigate incorrectly - so incorrectly, in fact, that the spell-check facility automatically changed the word to circumcise every time it came up in the essay.

I obviously didn't have time to check the essay after spell-checking, choosing instead to blindly trust the computer - much like a pilot who is flying a 747 on autopilot.

The result was awful, including the title of the essay: Cutting it Fine - Circumcising the World in a Hot Air Balloon.

Every time the word circumnavigate or circumnavigation was mentioned it was replaced with circumcise or circumcision, resulting in tragic passages like: "With terrible head-winds fighting us all the way, we dropped in just short, landing in Alaska, failing to circumcise the whole world.

"We shared a hot meal with some Eskimos and promised that with funding we would return and complete the circumcision next year."

Obviously the editor at National Geographic wasn't happy, but this is just one example of how language, if used poorly, can drastically affect the overall impact of a piece of writing.

Another example was when I accidently used the word "philanderer" instead "philanthropist" when trying to heap praise on the work of Warren Buffet and many other well-known philanthropists.

"The best philandering goes on tirelessly behind closed doors and often those closest to you don't even know that it is going on.

"I believe you can be far more successful if you avoid sharing your philandering with the media.

"There is only so much philandering one person can physically do, no matter how much he or she tries - so it's a good idea to involve as many people as you can in your philandering, to really make it a community thing.

"You can try getting parents from your kids' schools involved.

"There are bound to be parents you haven't even met who have fresh ideas and plenty of time on their hands."

You can see how confusing this would have been for many - certainly the editor of this paper took irate calls about it.

It is not just with writing that mistakes can occur.

A closer-to-home example is the fact that for the first three years of my son's life, rather than taking him to a pediatrician whenever he was ill, we took him to a foot specialist or podiatrist.

Fortunately for us, he is a perfectly healthy child, and it has to be said that at 5 years old, thanks to Dr Wong, he certainly has the best feet in his class.