That Guy: Poor List honours those who fail against all odds

Graeme Hart didn't feature on the Poor List. Photo / APN

Opinion

The Forbes rich list was released Friday - but I doubt any of you were on it. People who did make the cut included Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, who was listed as being worth $13.5 billion, and Kiwi white-collar investor Graeme Hart, who is worth a whopping $5.5 billion.

As always, the day the Forbes Rich List is released I release my annual Poor List. This list recognises Kiwi individuals who, against the odds, have managed to lose money where others thought it impossible.

It identifies those people who can take a sure thing and turn it into a sure loser. In many ways they are similar to those people who make the Rich List. They have ambition, greed and drive - but are polar opposites when it comes to ability, natural talent and execution.

Coming in third on this list is property loser Hamish Gimble, who has lost more than $72 million. The secret to his lack of success is his uncanny instinct to buy high and sell low.

To finance property deals he would often borrow money, sometimes from himself, charging himself high interest, just to make it look like he was a mover and shaker. Invariably he would pay too much for the property, then have to sell it for half the price - sometimes at the same auction - to repay crippling interest payments to himself.

He has blamed the global financial crash for his losses but most would argue that a lack of understanding of basic economic principles has earned him a spot on this list.

"He would make more money and lose less if he simply stayed in bed," said Financial Express editor George Woods.

Hamish says: "I live by the mantra, 'If it looks too good to be true, then it probably is, but what the hell, there is a chance it isn't and I would hate to be the guy to miss out'."

Coming in at No2 is social network moron and creator of Fax Book, Colin Churchill.

Colin saw the success of Facebook and thought he could create a similar communications platform for people who didn't want to use, or had a fear of, computers. Fax Book links you up with your friends via noisy fax machines, allowing you to chat and share photos - all via fax. For obvious reasons, the cost of running this sort of network was astronomical, with tonnes of paper being wasted.

A whole sheet of paper had to be used to make one inane comment, such as: "I just cooked a chili con carne."

Colin spent $20 million setting up Fax Book but was also charged $65 million a year in fines for gross paper wastage. A Fax Book user with just 300 friends could use up to 4 tonnes of paper a year "chatting". Add to this 900 ink cartridges and you have quite a costly communications network.

The technology magazines dubbed it "Arsebook", and it is estimated that Colin lost in excess of $120 million since the site's creation less than seven months ago.

Coming in at No1 on the list is unorthodox tycoon Steve Rowling. Many thought he would be on the Rich List this year after selling all of Walt Disney's merchandise rights, the Star Wars franchise and the entire catalogue of The Beatles. On paper they seemed like sound economic deals, but the problem was he didn't own them. The people in control of those assets were entirely unaware of his actions or that Steve, who lives in Te Kuiti, even existed.

The ensuing confusion in the market place cost these firms millions of dollars and these costs were passed on to Steve and his wife, Carol.

Steve now owes more than $700 million. His financial position was made worse when it was revealed he was also a start-up investor in Fax Book.

To see the complete Poor List, send $19.95 directly to my offshore bank account. The editor has my financial details.