That Guy: Pink batts, underlay and the odd tile up for grabs

Photo / APN

This week, at the insistence of my accountant, I have been going through a lot of financial restructuring in my home life, and around the home itself, to ensure I get through the rapidly approaching winter.

Don't get me wrong - financially, things are looking very good on all horizons.

But these admittedly are only financial projections and even making them can cost money.

In fact, it would be fair to say that although the projections indicate the future looks bright for me financially, I am struggling at the moment to even pay for the running of the projector that actually puts out those projections, let alone the projectionist who is on an hourly rate. In the short-term, I am going to have to rationalise a little to get my family through the cold winter, the subsequent spring, summer and at least one autumn.

The first and most obvious thing I will be doing is initiating a partial asset sale. I have made it quite clear to my wife and family that I won't be selling our principal asset (the house) but I will be selling things like all the insulation from within it.

By this I mean all the pink batts in the ceiling and below the floor, and the lagging around the water pipes.

I also intend to sell to the highest bidder unnecessary windows, and occasional terracotta roof tiles that can't be seen from the street.

I have assured my wife the new carpeting we bought last year will be staying, but logic would suggest the underlay will certainly have to go.

The money we make from this partial asset sale will be used to run heaters and other electrical appliances at our leisure through the winter, and this will at least give us the appearance of keeping up with the Joneses.

Incidentally, Ken and Barbara Jones, who live next door, are the ones I have down to put the carpet underlay into their new games room.

Once we have made it through the winter and some of our projected income comes in, we will be in a position to re-purchase brand new insulation, admittedly at a greater cost and pay for a certified installer who will also be on an hourly rate.

It would be fair to say I have had quite a job convincing my wife this is the most logical thing to do. I have had to constantly reassure her that this is not a full asset sale, but merely a partial asset sale.

She has now seen the logic and the method behind the madness - but it would also be fair to say that my landlord, from whom we have just started renting the house, is less convinced and is requesting a little more explanation and information.

When we first met him he was a very mild-mannered man but he has shown us a different, far darker side of late. He is clearly not a big picture thinker and seems to become quite irate when I repeatedly chastise him for being part of the problem not the solution.

I suppose we can't all be big picture thinkers.