Thames widower says he’s traumatised after frustrating burial process

A widower was left traumatised after what he says is a failure by Thames-Coromandel District Council to help with the eco-burial of his wife over the 2023 Christmas period.

Mark Lochore buried his wife Lesley on December 30, the same day she died, at the Omahu Cemetery Natural Burial Garden in Hikutaia, but said it was a nightmare trying to organise her plot in advance, and he’d been unhappy with subsequent attempts to address concerns with the council.

In correspondence seen by the HC Post, the council agreed there was a breakdown in communication from council staff to Lochore, and Mayor Len Salt had in February visited Lochore to apologise in person for how he had been treated.

Lesley, 74, died as a result of ovarian cancer.

Lochore said that after she became ill in August 2023, he approached council staff multiple times over the following months to arrange the plot but was told to contact them closer to her time of death.

He said he was told in November he would be contacted by a manager and received a missed call the following day with no name, message or extension number.

“By now the whole family was alarmed.”

By December, Lesley was bedridden, and he again contacted the council and explained the situation.

“I was astonished to be advised in that call to wait until death, a plot ‘should’ be made available.”

Lochore said he returned to the council building in Thames on December 21 to again try to prepay fees and secure a booking, only to discover the council offices had closed until January 3, 2024.

“By now Lesley was slipping into a coma and was expected to die within days, yet still no plot, no grave. He said, in his view, “Clearly no one I’d spoken to at the council gave a damn.”

He immediately called the 24/7 helpline and waited 42 minutes until his mobile minutes ran out, with no answer.

“I attempted further calls by landline for two hours and eventually spoke with someone who advised me that the council’s approved certified grave diggers were on holiday, a grave could not be dug, the family were not permitted to dig it themselves, and even more astoundingly, was advised if death occurred during the break, I should approach funeral services to have the body put in a chiller until business resumed in January.

“All completely against the eco-burial ethic, and against, and disregarding, my wife’s last wishes.

“This was hideously traumatic for us, not only for me, but also for the entire wider now-gathered family and friends. To feel the agony of not being granted a plot by the very organisation that claim they manage Coromandel cemeteries was heartbreaking and soul-destroying.”

Lochore said he then used a neighbour’s phone and continued waiting hours for a response.

“Lesley’s final days, was I there comforting my wife in her final hours? No, because with no plot, I had to resume calling the helpline and was again waiting hours for any answer.”

Eventually, he spoke with someone on Boxing Day.

“They understood my predicament immediately, and one by one resolved all the steps that previous ... staff had refused to even consider.

“She knew what she was doing, she was competent and empathetic and deserves a serious and sincere acknowledgement for her caring and professional manner.”

A Thames-Coromandel District Council spokesman said staff had worked with Lochore since the beginning of this year when he raised the complaint.

The spokesman said Salt had visited Lochore at his home in early February to personally deliver a letter and a chat with him at that time.

Lochore said he had no recollection of receiving any written correspondence from Salt, but confirmed he had visited him at home to discuss the matter.

“He showed me a letter to [Local Government Minister] Simeon Brown, explaining that everything the council had done, it had done properly, and that everything had been done correctly.”

“[But] staff were clear at the time, there was no burial plot available, [the] council let me down.

“I was treated really badly; ... the reason why I want to get this into the public domain is so the community know this is what councils can do.”

Thames-Coromandel mayor Len Salt. Photo / Supplied

Salt said he visited Lochore on February 9, 2024 and hand-delivered a letter.

“We had a cup of tea, it was friendly, it was a good vibe.

“I went to his place because we didn’t have a phone number or email for him; I said to the team I would deliver the letter.”

In a letter from Salt to Lochore, on Thames-Coromandel District Council letterhead, dated February 9, 2024, Salt said he sincerely apologised “for the way you were made to feel leading up to the passing of your wife”.

“It is clear to me that there has been a breakdown in communication between you and our staff; our records show that staff advised that plots were available when you phoned and visited, however, that was obviously not communicated well to you,” Salt said in the correspondence.

“We will take time to debrief about your concerns and what we would expect to see from all our customer service representatives with every interaction with every customer, particularly when this was a sensitive issue for yourself and your family.”

Coromandel MP Scott Simpson.

Lochore said he only received Salt’s correspondence recently through the office of Coromandel MP Scott Simpson.

Simpson confirmed he was aware of the situation and provided the Hauraki Coromandel Post with a written statement.

In a letter to Simpson on June 27, Lochore addressed his concerns.

In it, he said he had written a letter to Salt and included [Local Government Minister] Simeon Brown at the end of January this year, and a second letter to the cemeteries manager last month.

“But I have not received a written apology myself, nor any acknowledgement of my letters to the council; in fact, I have never received anything in writing from the council on this matter, which to me speaks volumes,” Lochore said in the June letter.

Thames-Coromandel District Council chief executive Aileen Lawrie

Thames-Coromandel District Council chief executive Aileen Lawrie wrote to Simpson on July 29, on Thames-Coromandel District Council letterhead, saying Salt received a letter from Lochore on February 2, and the executive office investigated the complaint.

It was agreed there was a breakdown in communication from council staff to Lochore, and Salt had then visited Lochore with his response and to apologise in person for how he had been treated.

Council management then had a debrief with staff regarding the matter and more training was provided for the customer services team.

“We understand that Mr Lochore’s interactions with council added to his stress at a difficult time and are endeavouring to make sure that does not happen again with any future customers,” Lawrie said in the letter.

Simpson, in a written statement last month, confirmed Lochore would have now received correspondence outlining a response to his inquiries on Lochore’s behalf.

“Mark made me aware of the situation concerning his attempts to secure a burial plot for his late wife when he met with me; it was immediately obvious to me that the level of service he had received from the council was sub-optimal to say the least,” Simpson said.

He said, in his view, “At a time when Mark should have been able to rely on a sympathetic and professional response from council staff, he was let down badly.

“Already under an understandable level of stress, all Mark and his family wanted during the last days of his wife’s life was certainty about arrangements that should have been easily confirmed by the council.

“Mark came to see me because he was unhappy with what he considered to be a lack of empathy and satisfactory response from the council; he wanted to make sure the same kind of situation he and his family had been confronted with would not happen to others in the future.

“I’m pleased Aileen Lawrie has now been able to reply to both Mark and my concerns in a positive way.”