Tell harsh truths about life with baby, says psychologist

If women were given more realistic information about life with a baby, fewer would suffer postnatal depression, says a study.

Psychologist Dr Sandra Wheatley says if more pregnant women were told the harsh truths about first-time motherhood, it would greatly reduce the number with postnatal depression.

Women were too often given the "rose-tinted" impression that childbirth would be a life-defining moment that made them feel truly fulfilled.

But in reality, women frequently had mixed emotions during pregnancy and in the first few months after their babies were born, which did not match their expectations.

Some felt out of their depth when confronted with a newborn child, others were shocked by the huge change in their day-to-day lives and many took months to recover from the physical trauma of childbirth.

Dr Wheatley says health professionals, voluntary organisations, friends and relatives often perpetuate the image of motherhood as a time when women are "truly fulfilled."

But from her research, she says many feel they were given too little information about what to expect.

"They felt the information they were given was rose-tinted, inadequate or just simply inaccurate."

Dr Wheatley says women should be given much more frank advice about the physical and emotional impact of motherhood, so they realise that negative feelings are quite normal.

"If you expect everything to be wonderful and then you have a problem, you think: 'I have done something wrong, I must be a bad mother.'

"The simplest way to stop someone feeling letdown is to be honest and truthful about things."

Psychiatrists estimate that one in 10 women experiences postnatal depression to some degree, but some experts believe that 20 to 30 per cent is a more accurate figure.

Dr Wheatley's research involved in-depth discussions with nine women from the start of pregnancy to their babies' first birthday. She has just published their accounts in Nine Women, Nine Months, Nine Lives.

Most of the women found pregnancy difficult and felt guilty because they did not enjoy it. Few really remembered the first time they held their baby, or realised that the after-effects of childbirth would linger so long, with heavy bleeding, water retention, exhaustion, backache and restricted movement.

Most of the women also found that their partners did not initially live up to their promises of helping to care for the newborn baby.

Sara Lovatt, aged 32, was married for just a month when she became pregnant. Being fit and active, she found pregnancy frustrating and did not appreciate how much her life would change.

"People talk about enrichment and say it is all worthwhile when the baby smiles. It is rewarding. But how can getting up three times in a night be enriching?

"I have friends who have very rosy aspirations about motherhood. They think it will all be wonderful. You think about angelic cherubs and beautiful toddlers. You don't think about the severe sleep deprivation when the child is up all night ill, or shouting at your partner when you never used to, or that holidays aren't holidays any more, or that you don't go out for dinner ...

"I am sure as kids get older, you forget what the early days are like. But at the time it feels like it goes on forever."