Take tip from chauffeur school

So, you want to be a chauffeur, eh? Complete with peaked cap, leather gloves and nifty uniform? Driving royalty, the rich and famous and captains of industry around?

It all sounds very cosy and confidential indeed. But it's not a matter of jumping behind the wheel, politely asking your passenger to buckle up, and heading off into traffic.

No sir, or madam, there are rules to follow, etiquette to observe, considerations to complete.

Just ask Rolls-Royce. Each Wednesday at its headquarters in Crewe, Cheshire, the luxury carmaker runs a specialised driving school for trainee chauffeurs.

Every British royal driver since 1920 and more than 5500 chauffeurs worldwide have completed the course.

Those who have graduated will have remembered to:

* Make steady progress as a driver, but be smooth.

* Don't talk unless invited to.

* Always set the air-conditioning to a comfortable temperature before making a pick-up.

* Think ahead. For example, ask if anyone needs a toilet break before driving past the nearest convenience for 150km.

* Follow etiquette. Avert the eye when helping a lady from a car and always offer the arm, not the hand.

* Be prepared to work long hours.

* Be loyal, discreet, well-disciplined and polite.

* Always carry overalls, gloves and umbrellas for changing tyres in the wet.

* Know basic maintenance, like how to change fuses and top up fluid levels and carry spares.

* Keep the car clean, paying special attention to the rear cabin and its bodywork and glass.

There are many similar schools in Britain but none carry the weight of the Rolls-Royce moniker.

The cost of learning the ropes isn't cheap. Trainees fork out about $4000 for the five-day course, plus $1200 for accommodation and, if they pass, $3000 for the uniform, available only from two major London outfitters.

Despite the rough line taken on scoring, only 10 trainees have failed in the past five years, usually for pretty blatant reasons.

For most at the course it their first time behind the wheel of a Bentley or Rolls. Each trainee starts with 100 points - and watch as instructors peel off points for things like turning the steering wheel when stationary - two points - or shuffling the wheel getting out of confined parking space.

A good score is in the mid-80s but the school is yet to see the day when a trainee gets a perfect 100.

Much of what they teach comes across as common sense but there are always things to observe.

A good chauffeur will know his boss' taste in music and, if he smokes, what brand of cigarettes he prefers.