Survivor's emotions swing from euphoria to guilt

Ms Bodkin and husband Graham Richardson are still affected by her near-death experience. Photo / Doug Sherring

When she was pulled out alive after 26 hours trapped in the collapsed Pyne Gould Corporation building, Ann Bodkin was euphoric.

But as the weeks passed, she began to experience feelings of guilt.

She wondered why she had escaped when 181 other people were not so lucky in the February 22 earthquake that devastated central Christchurch.

"I think most of the people who had a brush with death do feel guilty," Ms Bodkin, 53, told the Herald.

"That is a part of what you deal with. Especially in the early weeks. But I guess it's not quite so bad now. You have to move on."

Almost three months later, she has learned to focus on the positives.

"Certainly my mind goes back to it. But not really in a negative way - just thinking about it, and thinking about the things that have happened since. Every day, my husband and I are just grateful we are alive and together."

Working on the third floor of the Pyne Gould building in central Christchurch, Ms Bodkin wound up trapped in a space about 2m long under her L-shaped desk when the ceiling collapsed. Drenched by the internal sprinklers, she fought to keep going for those 26 agonising hours until rescuers pulled her out.

Her experience is still "part of every day" for her and her husband, Graham Richardson.

"We are getting there. We spent the first month with family in different parts of the country. But you have to come back and start getting into a routine at some stage.

"My work has been very good about allowing me to do as much as I want to do - and, of course, we don't have an office to go to any more, so we have been set up to work from home."

Ms Bodkin is almost back to full-time work now. Five Education Review Office colleagues who were also in the building survived and got out within an hour or two.

"I've sort of set up a little survivors' club and we plan to have the odd meeting just over a coffee and just chat, because we all share something in common," Ms Bodkin said. "People are inquisitive and I encourage them to ask questions and talk about it.

"I have spent a lot of time doing positive things to deal with it."

She has put together a DVD slideshow with music and photographs of the Pyne Gould building, and a book of newspaper articles about the event.

She has coped okay with aftershocks, and pushed herself to go back into multi-storey buildings. Enclosed spaces still make her uncomfortable.

"I'm sure it's all things that will ease over time. You do have to celebrate every day."