This summer we’re bringing back some of the best-read Premium articles of 2023. Today we take a look at the Family Court and how parent custody battles are wrecking children’slives.
When separated parents fight over custody in the Family Court, their children inevitably become the victims. In this three-part series, Jane Phare looks at who’s to blame, the damaging effect on young people and their parents, and what can be done to limit the trauma.
Children born out of love and desire can become pawns in nightmarish custody battles. Photo / 123RF
Terry’s voice is calm when he tells his story, a nightmare that went on for 15 years, leaving him financially, emotionally and mentally drained. He spent more than $500,000 in the Family Court, trying to get access to an older child from a first, brief marriage. That daughter, now in her 20s, lives overseas and he has lost contact. In one sense, it’s in the past. But for Terry, it never will be. The battle to see his daughter spiralled into a horror story, in the process destroying his confidence, a successful career, his income and leaving his second wife traumatised.
“A death by a thousand cuts” is how he described his long battle, a battle that is just one of many told to the Herald in its investigation into the effects on children when they caught up in custody battles.
Jane Phare looks at how the Family Court costs taxpayers more than $315 million a year and yet its adversarial system can leave families destroyed.
Kids with parents embroiled in entrenched conflict face poor outcomes. Photo / 123RF
West Auckland barrister Judith Surgenor has pretty much seen everything in the 25 years she’s worked in the Family Court as a ‘lawyer-for-child’. She’s seen children coached and manipulated; she’s witnessed them seeing their parents slog it out in court; she’s listened to kids “pouring their hearts out and crying”.
Surgenor despairs at the length of time some children have to endure the conflict.
Auckland clinical psychologist April Trenberth says there’s a stack of research on the long-term effects on children who are stuck between warring parents or caregivers. Take your pick: mental health, social, behavioural and emotional issues; anxiety; depression; a higher risk of substance abuse and addiction. And without good role modelling, children can have difficulty establishing healthy relationships in the future.
Trenberth thinks most parents are aware of the effect their behaviour is having but their own emotions are so strong they just keep going
Jane Phare looks at the effects on children when they are drawn into adult conflict, and the long-term implications.
Parents and lawyers agree the Family Court needs to change but views differ on the best solution. Photo / 123RF
There are few winners in the Family Court, particularly in bitter, drawn-out disputes over children. Parents and caregivers fight over the one thing they love most in the world, a fight that leaves them feeling powerless, and angered by slow court processes and frustrating procedures. Some end up loathing each other. Witnessing this storm of emotion are their children - at home, behind closed doors, in the car, on the phone. There are no secrets.
Tracy, who faced a nightmare scenario three years ago when she lost regular contact with her children after her former husband filed “without notice” protection and parenting orders, says she believes the Family Court system needs to be “completely dismantled”. She didn’t see her children for a month initially, and then only for very limited supervised access for more than a year before 50/50 shared care was re-established.
“Whoever gets in first with whatever allegation wins. You feel like a criminal.”
Tracy’s views are echoed by others spoken to by the Herald. It would be easy to write off these warring parents, consumed by the court battlefield. They see themselves as victims, and in a way they are. They are the end result of an adversarial Family Court system that doesn’t serve anyone particularly well and probably never has. Successive Ministers of Justices have tried, without success, to fix a system described by those who have suffered at its hands as “brutal,” and “frightening”.
Jane Phare looks at what’s underway to improve the court system, and what parents say needs to happen.
