Jesse Mulligan. Photo / Babiche Martens
Sunshine for the bleak soul, they promised.
It was the 40-something Getaway, a Tourism Fiji campaign offering a smorgasboard of holiday experiences to inject happiness into those apparently suffering through the unhappiest years of their lives - their 40s.
More specifically, the age of 47.2, according to a US National Bureau of Economic Research study of 500,000 people in 132 countries, and cited for the June tourism campaign.
“Your 40s are meant to be a time when you have it all together,” said TV personality turned voice-over artist and screenwriter Jaquie Brown, who is 47 and appeared in the campaign.
“But it’s not always easy to feel fantastic when you are overloaded with family responsibility, a stressful job and are exposed to a constant worrying news cycle ... it’s easy to lose your sense of self.”
Could be worse.
Immense family wealth and connections opened doors all the way to the White House for John F. Kennedy, and then six months before the first-term president’s 47th birthday, a no-hoper with a chip on his shoulder and a trigger behind his finger took it all away.
For ill or well, we’re not statistics - like Kennedy, Kurt Vonnegut survived the horrors of World War II, but professionally he remained “a failure until I was a bleeding 47 years of age”, the Slaughterhouse-Five author admitted late in life.
So unsurprisingly, the response was mixed when we asked Kiwi 47-year-olds to tell us in their own words about the time of life when increasingly creaky joints, pressures at work and on the family balance sheet, and demands from loved ones at either end of the life cycle have a knack of squeezing the joy out of even the sunniest days.
Her body hasn’t celebrated its 47th journey around the sun with as much enthusiasm as her mind, but Shortland Street actress and wedding celebrant Miriama Smith says she’s learnt to “stubbornly find the good grace to slow down”.
For Shorty alumni Karl Burnett - who grew up on our screens as goofy Nick Harrison - life has sped up, thanks to the arrival of a son four years ago.
“I’m no longer the kid in the family, although I’m often told I act like it - but come on, farts will always be funny, no matter the age!”
There is definitely a reckoning to be had - an understanding that your body is giving way, that you are mostly attractive only to the people who fell for you 20 years ago, and that you will no longer be invited to parties simply for the raw youthful energy you will bring.
On the bright side you know what you are good at, you have (hopefully) found the people who fit well with you and medically, given modern advances, you probably have as much ahead of you than you do behind you.
I think we would all have hoped, by 47, to have a solid income, a solid family and a solid collection of cultural interests.
Fortunately that is all true for me but half of these things I feel I sort of fell into through blind luck, so I think it could easily have gone the other way.
I’m embarrassed to say this but I still feel young. When I talk to a 40 year old, or a 30 year old, or occasionally, on a good day, a 20 year old I feel like I’m talking to somebody in my peer group.
That’s a psychological feeling but also a physical one: when I look at myself in the mirror I fear that I don’t see the same person other people see.
You can expect that, possibly for the first time, your physical body won’t play along with everything your mind expects of it.
You will hopefully feel like you know who you are, that you have enough people in your life who truly know you, and that you have enough energy to embark with purpose on part two of a life which until now has mostly been you making it up as you go along.
Technically, at 47.1, I won’t hit rock bottom for another month, so I plan to make everyday count.
Three weeks in Thailand definitely helps boost the serotonin levels. There’s nothing like travel to expand the heart and mind, when things start getting a little “routine” at home.
But, there’s also something really soothing about the simplicity of homelife that has resonated with me since I passed the mid-40s mark.
Sure the body didn’t celebrate the milestone with quite the same enthusiasm, but I’ve learnt to tune into my cycles and stubbornly find the good grace to slow down (mostly).
I’m grateful there are more open discussions around menopause, as it would be a fairly treacherous experience otherwise. Nothing like a hormonal roller coaster to keep you on the edge of your seat.
I’ve spent the last decade ticking boxes; kid, dog, marriage, house, career, divorce … all very serious stuff for a “free spirit”. Now it’s time for adventure.
The secret to staying young at heart?
Eat well. Exercise. Laugh often. Prioritise who and what you say “yes” to.
Surround yourself with uplifting people, young and old, because age is just a number and experiences can’t be measured.
As a parliamentarian I’ve always thought of myself as a younger MP.
Then, last year I was confronted with my middle age, learning the average age of our current parliamentarians is 47.
It was a rude awakening realising my perceived youthful thinking and energy were now just average.
I am that guy in the grey suit, with gut expanding and hair receding.
But as I reflect on life at 47, I’m grateful my mindset remains youthful, curious and maybe a little ridiculous.
I can’t help saying yes to things like running the length of three Christmas parades, swimming 1km in chilly ocean water with top swimmers for MSA awareness, and continuing my teenage love affair with op-shopping, hence my parliamentary style.
I’ve never had expectations at different stages of life but do embrace every opportunity that comes my way.
This includes being 47, with a whole lot more silver (not grey) on top these days.
As I sit here, digitally backing up the gargantuan pile of Shortland Street VHS cassettes that my dad recorded from 1992-2004, it hits me that life at 47 is a bit different to what it was when I was 16.
First off, my memory sucks - I only just remembered that I had to write 150 words on “life at 47″ for the New Zealand Herald and that said words were due today - and by “remembered”, I mean my agent emailed me and asked if I had finished yet.
Also, there was no internet back then. I kinda miss that, although I have been enjoying getting back on Facebook for the first time in aeons and reacquainting myself with old friends and co-stars.
The biggest difference, of course, is that I now have a son - I’m no longer the kid in the family, although I’m often told I act like it - but come on, farts will always be funny, no matter the age!
I also find it much harder to walk up stairs - getting old made me fat - it honestly wasn’t the decades of pizza and beer consumption.
But when I really think about it, not a lot has changed - I certainly don’t feel any older - and now I get to enjoy all the cool stuff I did as a kid all over again with my wee 4-year-old mate.
I’m 47 and supposed to be in the most miserable stage of my life.
I’ve got wrinkles when I smile. My “salt and pepper” hair is decidedly more “salt” than “pepper” these days.
I can’t eat what I want when I want anymore.
I’m the perfect age to be “unhappy”.
Am I though? If you’d asked me that question a couple of years ago the answer would have been different.
I was out of shape, not eating well, not sleeping well, feeling like a failure as a dad and a husband and I was far from a “happy” person.
But I gave myself a kick in the bum and got help.
It was uncomfortable, it was hard, it was raw and open and I ugly cried. Yes, even on air.
Soon I felt like a weight was lifting off my shoulders.
I worked with personal trainers, I talked with a life coach, I went to counselling for the first time in my life – and now I see why so many people swear by it!
I got happy.
Today I’m living in a beautiful home I’ve worked hard for. Our family is surrounded by neighbours who’ve become great friends.
Mum and Dad are still around for me to catch up with. Seeing how in love they still are is such an inspiration.
My laugh lines have all been earned (as well as every grey hair) I’ve done a LOT of living and have so many amazing memories with so many amazing people. I look at my life now and it feels FANTASTIC!
I’m still working in the job I always wanted since I was a kid, and I’m still loving it!
I play golf (not very well, but I love it), I’m honing my skills as a chef.
I’m busier than I’ve ever been as I juggle work (a daily breakfast radio show as well as MC commitments around the country) there are after-school activities with the kids, their sports and playdates and of course making sure I put aside quality time with my wife.
I haven’t always been good at juggling those things – and I’m still working on it. I know I need to spend more time catching up with mates – and I’m very lucky to have a few close ones that when we do catch up, we pick up right where we left off.
Lucky. It’s how I feel. And I know not everyone might say that, but I really do.
And I’m thankful beyond measure. I’m no longer the guy who hoped everyone would like me – I now know I’ll be fine if some don’t.
Counselling? Reiki healing? Journalling? Sure! Why not?
I’ve done so many things in my life already, I’ve got so much to look forward to, and I can honestly tell you right now … I’m really happy!
Life at 47 is outstanding because of the people who invested in me over many years, and my commitment to work hard for the future.
Strong whānau energises me every day.
My wahine Ariana is very enthusiastic with our return to Hamilton/Kirikiriroa where she was raised, and our three tamariki are growing into curious teenagers with a zest for learning, friends, the taiao (environment), sports and the arts. We regularly connect with relations across New Zealand.
My mahi gives me the fortune to combine my interests, skills, knowledge and networks into helping the people of Hamilton and the country.
The ability to serve people keeps me vigilant, resilient, and excited for every day. I don’t know all the answers to life’s challenges; however I remain youthfully curious.
Those approaching 47 might think about how to best care for those ahead of us and prepare the next generations for their future.
When you give - you get - and your best days are here and in front of you.
Kia kaha - stay strong.
