Now listen here. I'm a deputy in the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. I done heard when I was in the saloon this morning that a whole bunch of very, very sick folks from India, Pakistan and Korea are headed this way. NowI ain't got nothing against Asians. No, sir. But let's get one thing straight. They ain't white. I say we form a lynch mob right now because it's gonna be awful hard to see 'em after it gets dark.
Sheriff Muller
Now listen here. I'm the head of the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. I have a dream. It may shock and amaze you because it's a dream the likes of which no one has ever had before. But I can't hold it back no more. Folks, my dream is this: I want to build a road.
Some of you fellows in the press have been asking me for proof about the very, very sick coloured folks headed this way. Well, okay. Don't ask me how, but I got hold of a mighty confidential list of 18 names. Some of 'em might be coloured, I don't rightly know.
Sheriff Muller
A big road, too.
Wild Hamish Walker
Some of you fellows in the press have done gone told the country about how a mystery varmint has passed on a whole heap of mighty confidential material and I sure didn't expect you to do that.
Sheriff Muller
Four lanes.
Plum Loco Michelle Boag
Now listen here. I'm an endlessly blathering spokesperson on behalf of the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. It was me who handed over that mighty confidential information to Wild Hamish. I did it because I have a strong sense of obligation to others. Y'all know I only ever act out of noble intentions.
Michelle Boag, the endlessly blathering spokesperson on behalf of the Muller Gang. Photo / Supplied
Sheriff Muller
That's two lanes each way.
Wild Hamish Walker
I done quit the Muller Gang. The honest truth is that I ain't doin' it no favours.
Sheriff Muller
Fantastic road.
Plum Loco Michelle Boag
I done quit the Muller Gang. The honest truth is that I ain't doin' it no favours.
Sheriff Muller
Any questions about the road?
Whitey Collins
"We ain't quittin' the Muller Gang, are we, honey child," I crooned to the porcelain doll I held in my lap. She's the best-damned friend I got in the whole world. I can tell her anything. We sit up in my attic all day long just talkin'. Well, I do the talkin'; she just looks at me with her big blue eyes of glass, and a pretty smile fixed on her face. "Ain't no need to quit. We'll just sit tight and wait for the Muller Gang to fall apart – and then we'll take over, just like we always planned. Ain't that right, honey child?" I love that doll. She done wrote my new book.
Wild Hamish Walker
I opened the doors of the saloon and it went quiet. The only sound was my boots on the floorboards as I walked to the bar. I asked for a shot of whiskey. The barkeep said, "You don't belong here no more. Git. Go on, git." Well, I don't stand for prejudice, so I walked right on out of there and climbed on my horse. The sun had gone down. It got cold. I headed south. The track through the canyon was narrow and full of treacherous holes. Someone should build a road.
