Former President Trump speaks from Mar-a-Lago after pleading not guilty to 34 criminal charges in New York saying the only crime he has committed is to "fearlessly defend our nation from those who seek to destroy it". Video / AP
OPINION
Counts 1-31
Wilful retention of national Defence information, including 4537 papers marked TOP SECRET flipped over on to the blank side and used as photocopier papers at the Xerox machine at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club; another 6021 papers marked CONFIDENTIAL flipped over on to the blankside and used for doodling at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club; and a cache of 71,388 papers marked DON’T EVEN TOUCH THIS BECAUSE IT CONTAINS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION OF SUCH PROFOUND IMPORTANCE THAT IT COULD BRING THE WORLD TO ITS KNEES signed by the defendant and sold as souvenirs to guests at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club for $5.99.
Count 32
Conspiracy to obstruct justice by the defendant’s practice of lying, flat-out lying, bare-faced lying, pathological lying, consciously lying, unconsciously lying, subconsciously lying, lying out of habit, lying out of mischief, lying because the defendant had long ago lost the ability to tell the difference between what was true and what was false and in any case not caring either way because to be the defendant is to say whatever he wants and it has to be acknowledged that’s a very appealing quality which is at once thrilling and liberating and, much more than any liberal will ever admit, often really funny. “Sleepy Joe”! Classic.
Placing a glass chandelier in the ceiling of the storage room where the boxes of classified information were stored at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club. I mean come on. Really?
Former US President Donald Trump. Photo / AP
Count 35
Concealing and sealing the defendant’s son Barron and defendant’s wife, whose name he cannot recall, in a storage room at the White House because he had no use for either of them at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club.
Count 36
Wilful retention of White House property including soap, body wash, shampoo, and toilet paper; sachets of instant coffee, sachets of hot chocolate, tea bags, and those little plastic tubs of milk; a hairdryer, radio alarm clock, iron, ironing board, flatscreen TV, and bedding; and doorknobs. Attorneys acting for the defendant argue the White House is basically a hotel and that, in any case, he intends to check in again really soon.
Count 37
Just on that last point, the defendant also faces various assorted other charges designed to obstruct his return to the White House as POTUS, for which he has a great deal of popular support, and which he is determined to achieve, and which he could very well achieve, owing in part to the poor performance of the old guy (“Sleepy Joe”! classic) currently installed as POTUS, owing more so to the rage and sense of persecution these various assorted other charges inspire in his followers, whose dearest wish is for the defendant to return to the White House and drain whatever is left of the swamp he hasn’t already drained and placed in storage at the defendant’s residence at The Mar-a-Lago Club.
