OPINION:
Auckland
This is Australia's fault.
Wellington
This is Auckland's fault.
Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of ... Level 4
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.
Northland
We don't want anything to do with Auckland.
Coromandel
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.
We don't want anything to do with Auckland.
The South Island
We don't want anything to do with the North Island.
The average New Zealander
Wake up.
Go back to sleep.
Shower. Make breakfast. Watch Breakfast. "Extraordinary," says John Campbell, about everything. Change channel to The AM Show. Something was missing.
Go back to sleep.
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.
Go for a walk. Other people are going for a walk. They should stay home and save lives.
Watch the 1pm press conference. You've got to hand it to those signers. No pun intended.
Need sugar. Go to the supermarket. The queues aren't too bad. Come home and put away milk, pet food, biscuits, mince, bananas, carrots, potatoes, rice, and pasta. Forgot to get the sugar.
Mop the floor. Scrub the bath. Clean out the fridge. Wash and dry the laundry. Mop the floor.
Night falls. Watch the 6pm news. "Lockdown is having an impact," says the Prime Minister. How? The numbers are up.
Stare at the walls. The walls stare back.
Go to bed.
Who can sleep?
The extreme New Zealander
They don't know what's in the vaccine.
They're not telling us the truth.
They're up to something.
They're under the bed.
Who can sleep?
Dr Ashley Bloomfield
We'll get there in the end.
Dr Michael Baker
The end is in sight.
Dr Jacinda Ardern
The end justifies the means.
The pious left
Elimination is the only way we can beat the pandemic. We know this because we know best.
Jacinda is in front of the vaccine roll-out, the testing centres, the swift and efficient contact tracing. We know this because we voted for her.
Lockdown is hard on business but it's the only alternative. We know this because we can work from home and we're alright Jack.
Reports here and overseas are making savage criticisms of the government's response, but they're driven by right-wing ideology and the need for clicks. We know this because we only trust media reports that confirm we know best.
The angry right
Helter Delta! Coming down fast! So what? Of course you can't eliminate Delta! ScoMo knows the score! He called out Ardern's response, and said it was "absurd"! But of course she won't listen to sense! She's not living in the real world! In the real world, you have to live with the pandemic! Sure, maybe die from it, too! But death comes to us all! Look at the statistics! A thousand people died in New Zealand this week! Sad! But that happens every week and we don't close down because of it! We send the kids to school, we go about our lives, we open for business and pay the minimum wage which by the way is crippling the economy! But of course Ardern won't listen to sense! What is she, deaf? She needs one of those signers to deliver a message! What's the sign for an exclamation mark?
Duncan Garner
Two words that no one ever thought I would ever say about anything: no comment.
