Steve Braunias: The secret diary of James Shaw and the Simon Bridges' ad

James Shaw thought the Greens' new TV commercial starring comedian Tom Sainsbury as Simon Bridges was hilarious - but no one else did. Photo / Mark Mitchell

COMMENT:

MONDAY

Much hilarity at the Green caucus this morning when we unveiled our new TV commercial starring comedian Tom Sainsbury as Simon Bridges!

Laugh? I thought I'd die and make good compost.

Not that I actually have anything to do with compost. Some people say I should get my hands dirty if I'm going to talk about the environment but I don't see how that helps. It would just mean I'd have dirty hands and there's nothing very funny about that.

But the TV commercial is 100 per cent guaranteed funny. Tom pretends to be Simon Bridges in a car yard. It's a spoof not just on the issues of car tax and electric cars, it's a spoof on something more serious and damaging to the Kiwi way of life: Simon's voice.

People are going to love it.

TUESDAY

People hate our new TV commercial starring Tom Sainsbury as Simon Bridges!

Much woe and despair at the emergency Green caucus this afternoon. We met in a dark room with all the lights off. Everyone wore black. It was impossible to see anyone, and that's the point. It removes barriers of race and physical appearance.

I asked, "What should we do?"

"Wring our hands," somebody said.

Comedian Tom Sainsbury was cast as Simon Bridges. Getty Images.

"Yes, that's a good idea," I said. "Let's do that for a while."

We all sat, or stood, in the dark, and wrung our hands.

"Mocking someone for the way they speak – it's not right," someone said. "Satire should punch up, not down."

"It shouldn't be cruel."

"Or mean."

"Or bullying."

"I feel terrible," somebody said.

"Same."

"Me too."

"Kill me now."

"Someone just stood on my foot."

"Oh, sorry," I said, "But this is good. Healthy. I think we're really getting somewhere with this, and growing as people. Okay. So what should we do about the commercial?"

"Bury it," someone said.

I grabbed a spade and got my hands dirty.

Simon Bridges unfazed by the Greens commercial mocking the way he speaks. Photo / Mark Mitchell

WEDNESDAY

I ran into Simon Bridges today in a corridor at Parliament. He was with a couple of people from his office. Normally he just sort of scuttles away to the side when I see him but this time he slowed his pace and walked directly towards me. He was smiling broadly and looked like a million dollars. He's quite a short man but when I saw him it was as though he had grown in stature.

"How ya goin', mate?" he asked.

"Good thank you."

"Yeah? Ya look a bit green around the gills."

"I'm fine thank you."

"Aw okay, good to hear it, mate. You take care, eh?"

"Thank you. You too. Goodbye."

The three of them walked past, and I heard loud laughter a few seconds later.

THURSDAY

Lay down in the emergency Green caucus room most of the day.

Jacinda Ardern is not amused. Photo / Mark Mitchell

FRIDAY

Greens MPs Golriz Ghahraman, Marama Davidson, Jan Logie and Chloe Swarbrick are joining the protests at Ihumātao.

I ran into Jacinda this morning and asked if she was thinking of going, too.

She said, "I suppose you think that's funny?"