Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of Jacinda Ardern

OPINION:

MONDAY

So if the wedding had gone ahead, about right now we'd be on honeymoon and lying on sun loungers facing the sea. The sun would be frying it like a big blue egg or something like that, the point is that the sun would be high in a clear sky and all you could see was hues of blue, and the shatter of sunlight on water. I might reach for something to drink. Something tempting. Something strong, like rosehip tea. Or, if it's the afternoon, peppermint tea. As the sun goes down, maybe a cup of chamomile. The possibilities are endless. That's what love feels like. That's why they call it happily ever after, because love has no end, love is all you need, all you need is –
"Excuse me, Prime Minister. The Charlotte Bellis problem. We need to move fast."

TUESDAY

The menu that Peter Gordon had created for the wedding was incredible. I mean he's an artist, a great artist. He plays food like an instrument. He's the Miles Davis of fresh ingredients, or something like that. Jesse Mulligan reviewed Peter's restaurant Homeland and wrote, "I had a lovely piece of monkfish for my main course — a fish that often arrives hot and soaking wet due to its density but was just the right amount of moist here, baked with extreme mastery in the oven and served with bok choy, broccolini and mushrooms." I can just imagine sitting down at the wedding feast, and the food arriving, and tucking into a plate of –
"Excuse me, Prime Minister. MIQ, the borders - we need to move fast."

And Lorde would have sung... and Neve would have acted as flower girl.... Photo / Dean Purcell

WEDNESDAY

My heart goes out to Charlotte Bellis, it really does. There she is, a pregnant New Zealander, stranded in Afghanistan – Afghanistan! -after failing to secure an MIQ spot. I mean she's not the only one. There are others. The system is imperfect. But put that aside, because you just have to look at her. She's expecting in May. We owe it to her to make it right. I don't know Charlotte, but she needs our help. This isn't about politics. As a journalist, she's impartial, and -
"Excuse me, Prime Minister. Charlotte Bellis is giving an interview on Fox."

THURSDAY

MIQ and border announcement. Luxon blusters, "National will hold them to account and ensure they stick to these commitments." Excuse me? Whatever.

FRIDAY

And Lorde would have sung at the wedding, and Neve acted as the flower girl, and everyone I love would have been there, and Peter Gordon's menu would have been incredible. In that review of Homeland restaurant, Jesse Mulligan wrote, "The heaviest thing I ate was probably the mussels, which came with a pile of quinoa modest enough that you couldn't see it until you dipped your spoon into the spicy coconut broth at the bottom of the bowl." Mussels, quinoa, spicy coconut broth –
"Excuse me, Prime Minister. Your order of fish and chips has arrived."